


Finding Forever at the Wrong Time

by Atlas98



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anyway... tags still aren't my strong suit... forgive me, Canon is honestly getting on my nerves, F/F, Fix-It, I swear I could retire in Greece with 7 cats, If I had a dollar for every thing that needed fixing in canon, Pre-Crisis, Sanvers - Freeform, Sanvers Endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 30,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21743023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atlas98/pseuds/Atlas98
Summary: When Maggie goes to the DEO for help on a case but overhears more than she bargains for it sets into motion an opportunity for Sanvers to reunite before it's too late...Sorta a lead up to Crisis and a fix it fic for the *terrible* dialogue being used on the show at the moment.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 244
Kudos: 334





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning that this is a Sanvers fic so it's written for them and while I'm trying not to do it at the expense of certain characters, it is what it is...  
> As always lemme know if there's anything that needs fixing and hope ya like it 😊

She doesn’t really want to be here, her heart racing in protest even as Maggie clenches her fists as the elevator ascends to the control room.

Every floor that passes by makes a voice in her head scream to pull the emergency stop, to just go back to the precinct and try sort this investigation out by herself.

But she needs help. She’s stubborn but not stupid. And taking something like this on by herself is not a move Maggie can really take, no matter how much she wouldn’t really care about the outcome. If she’s honest she might have given it a go, taking on the whole gang smuggling aliens through the docks, but her captain refused to sign off on anything and the last shipment is coming in tonight. So here she is.

The DEO has been busy lately, Maggie always one step behind whether it be with a clean up crew or distant support. So she knows Alex has been... well she’s been fine. Maggie can’t bear to think much more about anything than that. She knows. But she won’t think about it.

The door chimes open and Maggie holds her breath as a few agents turn to her sceptically as she steps off.

But she instinctively raises a hand to the gun on her hip when a crash echoes from beside her, a figure running full tilt towards her as he drops his tablet to the ground.

“Maggie!” Winn exclaims, pulling her into a tight and unreciprocated hug. “Oh my god! How are you?! It’s been...” He trails off a little awkwardly and Maggie clenches her jaw as she forces a polite smile at him as the tech nerd finally pulls away. 

“Good.” She offers half heartedly, not missing the way his face gives away that he doesn’t believe her. But she can’t bring herself to care enough to offer much else. “I need help with a case. Red tape kinda stuff, figured you guys might be able to fly over it, so to speak.” Maggie reasons.

“Fly over it.” Winn laughs shortly. “Right cause of the whole...” He motions at himself, miming out Kara’s crest and cape.

“Yeah.” Maggie nods, trying to keep hold of the tension building in her veins. “Is um... is anyone around?”

“Jonn is with his dad but Al... she uh...” Winn tries awkwardly, the entire exchange beginning to make Maggie’s head ache.

“It’s fine Winn.” She steels out. “I need to talk to her if she’s the only one here, there’s not a lot of time to work with.”

Winn just nods, scratching the back of his neck nervously before motioning clumsily upstairs.

“Thanks.” Maggie mumbles, forcing her feet to move towards the stairs.

She tries to force the memories of this place out of her head, tries not to look at the railing where her and Alex would watch the city together or the balcony that inevitably always reminded Maggie of winning their first bet. 

This whole place feels like a curse, as if the walls themselves are haunted by things she was too blind to see.

So Maggie climbs the stairs with a forced and tense stride, berating herself for the thumping in her chest.

She reaches the medbay but stalls as she hears voices inside. Her heart stalls at the sound of Alex’s voice, Maggie unable to not listen as she speaks. 

“I really appreciate being taken care of.” Alex says gently. “I’m so used to doing all of this by myself.”

“You lost your fiancée, and I can't even begin to imagine losing someone that you love... in that way. You're just so strong that I didn't... I didn't realize that you were still suffering, and I'm really sorry that I wasn't more sensitive to that.” Someone replies sincerely, the words making Maggie’s body practically reel over as she leans against the wall beside the medbay entrance to keep herself standing.

“When you met me, I was just half a person. I was still healing from my own wounds and you... you helped me heal.” Alex admits, the sound of her voice telling Maggie exactly what she looks like right now with her eyes soft yet determined in her sincerity. “You know, from wounds, to scars, to just memories.”

Memories. The word echoes in Maggie’s head, each repetition of it like a knife in her chest. And she’s clearly not like Alex, she’s not strong and she’s not healed. Because there’s tears in her eyes and her hand clasps at her chest like it’s trying to hold her heart together as the small fragments she’s managed to hang there all but disintegrate. 

With all thoughts of the case lost to her sudden and overwhelming state, Maggie all but stumbles down the stairs. She knocks into an agent coming up with a tray of medical equipment and apologizes profusely and unintelligibly as the steel tools and instruments crash and clatter to the floor.

“Seriously?!” The agent barks angrily. 

“Sorry, sorry I didn’t sorry...” Maggie tries, still just trying to get put of here as she finally starts making her way through the control room towards the elevator.

“Maggie?” Winn calls after her worriedly. “Hey are you o-"

Maggie ignores him as she hits the elevator button repeatedly, angrily, almost collapsing inside as the doors open and she demands for them to close as she hits the ground level.

The lobby is loud and crowded, Maggie weaving past people and eventually just running outside to the curb where her bike is parked.

She doesn’t bother with her helmet, straddling the seat roughly and kicking the bike into life loudly. It over revs as she pulls into traffic, cars blaring their horns as she cuts them off and tries to lose herself in the noise of the engine.

The streets blur past, Maggie unsure of where she’s going until the airport towers begin to fill her sight.

Planes taxi across the runways but Maggie doesn’t care as she speeds through the tarmac entrance, the guards yelling after her.

She runs her tyres over the ground where Alex and her first met, the rubber burning marks into it as Maggie pushes herself to go faster

The bike roars out into the open space of the runway, Maggie unintentionally keeping pace with a plane as it begins its run to take off on the strip beside her.

But as fast as she goes, she can’t keep up and follow as it finally takes off. And she watches as it climbs into the sky and escapes this place. 

The brief moment of distraction is enough for her to lose sight of the runway, Maggie looking back at it a fraction too late and realising she’s running out of tarmac.

She slams on the brakes, the wheels screaming as they try to stop before the asphalt ends. But even as Maggie turns the bike to try and slide it sideways for more friction, she still hits the grass and clenches her eyes shut instinctively as the bike crashes and sends her flying.

Hitting the ground is painful, ripping the air from Maggie’s lungs as she instinctively covers her head and rolls with the impact. Her ribs protest with each hit, her shoulders filling with a splitting pain as she tumbles across the ground.

Eventually coming to a stop, the bike crashing and flying past her in pieces, Maggie groans and breaths shakily on her back. Her lungs feel like a knife pierces them with every movement and her ribs ache in a familiar way that tells Maggie a few are fractured if not broken. But she managed to slow down enough to keep herself in one piece.

It takes a few minutes, but Maggie is able to haul herself up a little, testing her arms and legs for any broken bones before unsteadily clambering onto her feet.

“Security!” A few airport officers yell at her as they climb out of cars with sirens flashing on the roofs. “Hands up!”

“I'm a cop.” Maggie forces out painfully. “I'm reaching for my badge.” 

“Slowly!” They yell, Maggie unclipping her battered badge from her hip and tossing it across the space between herself and the officers.

One picks it up and nods after checking it over, everyone else lowering their weapons.

“What the hell were you doing?” An officer asks, his eyes curious. 

“Nothing.” Maggie mumbles, shuffling towards one of the cars. 

The officer just shakes his head, jogging after her and holding out her badge.

“Keep it, no good anyway.” She offers numbly, climbing into the backseat of the car and lying across the seats.

Her head hurts a little and Maggie barely notices as the officer tries to keep talking to her, her eyes suddenly very heavy as she stares up at the grey roof lining.

She doesn’t think much of it as she let’s herself drift into the blackness creeping into the edges of her vision.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know if anything needs fixing, I haven't proof read very intensely 😅

Alex smiles as she takes Kelly’s hands, the woman clearly more relaxed now. It’s become a routine game Alex has found herself playing, down playing everything she does at work just to keep Kelly calm. It’s frustrating, but the thought of fighting is too exhausting for Alex to want to change it.

She berates herself for it as Kelly fails to notice, but they both startle as a crash sounds outside.

“Seriously?!” Someone yells angrily, Alex frowning and jumping off the bed to see what’s going on.

She makes it outside the medbay to see an agent collecting medical tools and instruments from the stairs, shaking his head as he mutters angrily.

“Rodgers, what’s going on?” Alex asks him.

“Some lady just knocked me on the way up ma’am.” He explains. “I'll have this all sanitized again.”

“What lady?” Alex questions, looking around.

She almost misses the leather jacket and dark hair, the sight barely visible past Winn as he tries catching the elevator before it closes. 

But Alex can’t miss the look on Maggie’s face as she practically punches the control panel in the elevator and the doors shut obediently as the detective collapses against the back wall.

“Maggie?!” Alex calls, running down the rest of the stairs and racing to the elevator. “Winn, what’s going on? What happened?”

“I don’t know.” Winn rushes out, raising his shoulders. “She needed to see you about a case and then she just came rushing back I don’t-"

“She was upstairs?” Alex cuts in, unable to stop herself from panicking.

“Yeah she was looking for you and-" 

“Oh my god.” Alex lets out, a hand worrying through her hair as she turns back to the stairs.

Kelly raises her hands in question and Alex can feel her heart stall as she realises.

Maggie must have heard them in the medbay, she must have heard... 

“Winn, find her.” Alex orders. “Now! Keep her in the building!” 

Alex paces as Winn rushes back to his console to try and stop Maggie as Kelly shuffles over to Alex.

“What’s going on?” She questions, trying to reach out and keep Alex in one place.

“Maggie, she was...” Alex tries, overwhelmed by the instinctive panic and worry about what the detective might have heard. “She was upstairs, outside.” She explains messily.

“So?” Kelly urges, seemingly unfazed by the situation.

“So she might have heard.” Alex reasons, not quite understanding how Kelly doesn’t understand the implications. It’s only when she takes a second to think about it that Alex realizes she’s really the only one who would understand, because no one else knows Maggie like she does. 

“I'm sure she’s fine, come on.” Kelly tries, grabbing Alex’s hand and trying to lead her out onto the balcony.

“No, no she’s not.” Alex protests, pulling her hand back. “You don’t know her like I do.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Kelly argues. “You shouldn’t be worrying about your ex hearing you talk with your girlfriend. Unless you didn’t mean what you said?”

“I did... I do.” Alex stammers out. “But not in the way it came out it’s just-"

“Alex.” Kelly reprimands. “This isn’t about what you said or that she might have heard. And this isn’t going to work until you get over it.”

“Get over what?” Alex questions confusedly, struggling to figure out how they’ve gotten here from where were only a few minutes ago.

Kelly shakes her head as her arms cross over her chest defensively. “Your feelings for her.”

“What?” Alex retorts bluntly.

“You can’t have feelings for her and be with me.” Kelly tosses out angrily. “After everything she put you through an-"

“No.” Alex cuts in harshly. “No she never put me through anything. I... all those things we’ve talked about, the wounds and the scars... they’re not from her.” She confesses quietly. “That was me. I know you’ve spent all this time trying to piece me together, but don’t make the mistake of thinking anyone but me is the one who broke it all apart.”

“I don’t understand, I thought...” Kelly trails off, trying to make sense of what Alex is desperately attempting to explain.

The truth is, Alex doesn’t really know how to explain. She doesn’t know what to say here as she glances over to Winn to see if he’s found Maggie yet.

Kelly watches her and the look on her face sinks.

“You can’t have both.” She whispers.

“Both what?” Alex asks quietly.

“Me and her.” Kelly reasons. “I won’t share you like that, I can’t. So tell me now if you’re going to be able to let this go and move on from her.”

Alex feels her heart racing, adrenaline practically coursing through her veins with the shock of Kelly’s words. 

She stammers a little, Kelly clearly irritated by the lack of response as she waits. 

Alex can’t figure out what to tell her, the words tumbling around messily in her head.

But when she goes to twist her engagement ring around her finger to calm down, only to realise for the first time in months that the steel band is missing, Alex is completely still with the realization that fires through her.

She’s always known, despite thinking she could deny it. Alex hoped one day it would fade and that someone could help her feel it a little less. But the truth would always stay here with her. And she does care about Kelly, enough not to lie. 

“I'm always going to love her.” Alex murmurs almost sadly, avoiding Kelly’s eyes.

“Is it always going to be more than me?” Kelly questions tensely.

Again, Alex struggles. She knows what she should say, what she wants to say. But her heart, like it always has when it comes to Maggie, beats her mind to her mouth.

“I don’t know.” Alex admits fearfully. “I just know that right no-"

“Right now it is more than me.” Kelly finishes under her breath angrily.

“Kelly I-"

“I don’t want to hear it.” She cuts Alex off. “I don’t understand why you would throw your life away for her.”

Alex swallows, noticing that they’re starting to draw a little bit too much attention for her liking. But still, she owes it to Kelly and to herself not to run away from this.

“I'm not throwing anything away.” Alex shrugs sadly. “She’s my life, deep down. Everything I do, everything I think.” She reasons. “Maybe it’s wrong, maybe I shouldn’t be so intertwined with someone else but I am. Even after all this time I still...”

“So everything with me?” Kelly barks back. “That was all just keeping yourself entertained while you figured things out?!” 

“No.” Alex insists, stepping forward to try and grab Kelly’s hand. But the other woman backs away staunchly.

“You don’t know what it was, do you?” Kelly reprimands harshly, scoffing when Alex shies away and can’t answer. “Do me a favour Alex, fucking figure it out then.”

Kelly storms away as Alex clenches her jaw, clenching her eyes shut in frustration when the elevator doors chime shut.

Everyone seems to be watching her and Alex snaps.

“Get back to work!” She orders angrily, agents scurrying at the command as she paces over to Winn.

“Tell me you’ve got something.” She mutters.  
Winn flicks between screens on his monitor, pointing at it as he zooms in on a frame.

“I tried radioing down to reception but it’s crowded down there, no one saw her.” Winn explains worriedly. “I'm tracking her through the CCTV, but it isn’t live so it’ll be a while.” He offers cautiously.

“Shit.” Alex mutters, running a hand through her hair. “Okay, call me when you’ve got something. I need to change out of this.” She reasons, tugging at the DEO training gear she’s currently wearing.

Winn nods, his eyes never leaving the screen as Alex glares at agents who look her way as she makes her back to her lab upstairs. 

She barely reaches the top of the stairs before Kara is rushing up behind her, grabbing her forearm to talk.

“Hey did I just hear...” She trails off. 

Alex hates that people can’t say Maggie’s name around her, like they’re afraid it’ll send her into some kind of breakdown or spiral.

Although to be fair, Alex supposes they’re a little right... hearing Maggie’s name chips away at her every time. But still, it’s frustrating.

“Yes, Maggie just left.” Alex offers, sidestepping Kara and pushing through her lab door angrily.

She hauls a gear bag out from under the table as Kara shuffles in and shuts the door quietly.

“What did she want?” The hero questions timidly, clearly fearful of setting Alex off.

“I don’t know.” Alex grits out. “She came up but Kelly and I were talking and...” 

“Oh.” Kara simply sighs out, the knowing look on her face making Alex’s fingers clench into the clothes she pulls from the bag.

She may have been wrong before, if one other person knew Maggie almost as well as she did, it would be Kara. After everything her sister and Maggie had been through together.

Alex knows there were nights Kara would call Maggie instead of her, knew that the detective had somehow managed to clear a little more space in her heart for the rambunctious hero. Alex had thought sharing herself between the two would be the hardest part, but really it was learning to share being Kara’s big sister that ended up being the struggle. But it was one Alex quickly realized was a blessing more than anything else, Kara having someone to talk to about things Alex didn’t understand herself yet, someone outside of the DEO she could trust.

“Where’s Kelly?” Kara ends up asking, leaning on the lab table as Alex tugs her sweatshirt and pants off, trying not to fall over as she pulls on black jeans and a shirt to wear beneath her leather jacket. She hesitantly tucks her gun into her waistband, trying not to let her hand shake around the steel. 

“She...” Alex tries, pulling in a breath. “You heard didn’t you?”

“It feels like you have to talk about it.” Kara reasons, tapping her fingers patiently on the table.

“What am I supposed to say?” Alex questions numbly. “What do I do?”

Kara sighs, chewing her cheek nervously as she watches Alex pull her boots on messily before bracing her head in her hands, trying to get a grip.

“Alex, look...” Kara starts, rounding the table and pulling Alex’s hands into her own. “You and Maggie, you’re never going to lose that. It hurts but it’s a connection that isn’t going to break, no matter who is in your life.”

“Why?” Alex asks fearfully, tears brimming in her eyes. “Why can’t I just feel it for someone else, why am I still in love with her in here.” She brings a shaky hand to her chest as Kara pulls her into a tight hug.

“You’re not together because you don’t love each other Alex.” Kara whispers. “Nothing has or ever will make you stop loving her.”

Alex cries, even as Kara pulls back a little to look at her seriously.

“Anyone who wants to be with you knows that a part of you will never be theirs.” The hero reasons gently. “Kelly knows that, it’s her choice to accept it or not. But it’s not your fault either way.” Kara insists.

“Yes it is.” Alex cries out. “I’m just hurting people, all the time and Maggie... god Kara I hurt her and she doesn’t deserve that but I did, over and over again and now sh...she’s out th..there and I-"

“It’s okay.” Kara cuts in, pulling Alex close again and letting her tears stain her cape. “We’re gonna figure it out.”

Alex can’t bring herself to respond, clinging to Kara like a piece of wreckage in the middle of the ocean to try and stay afloat.

But she only manages to get some sort of hold on herself when Winn knocks on the door.

“Can I come in?” he asks gently, obviously having heard at least some of that.

“Yeah.” Alex coughs out, clearing her voice and wiping her eyes as she steps back from Kara.

“Hey.” He offers gently, sticking his head through the door slowly. “I have her.”

Alex rushes forward as he comes inside, reaching for his tablet.

“Where is she?” Alex questions.

“I tracked her to the airport and a runway vehicle left with it’s lights on a few minutes later” Winn explains, scrolling through the footage for Alex. “I followed that and it uh...”

He stalls as security footage from the hospital plays on the screen, the runway car speeding into the emergency entrance before an officer gets out and rushes to the back doors.

Alex watches, mortified as a nurse helps him lift Maggie limply from the seats. She looks so small in his arms, her head hanging back at a harsh angle that makes Alex’s stomach lurch as a gurney rushes out and the officer does his best to put her down gently among the small amass of hospital staff that rushes out.

“She’s okay.” Winn offers as the video cuts out. “She was checked into the general ward with a concussion a few minutes ago.”

Alex nods numbly, handing back the tablet.  
She barely notices him talking to Kara about why Maggie was here, the words lost to the image Alex now has running through her head.

For a second her heart felt as if Maggie had died seeing her like that, the pulse in Alex’s body seeming to be drowned out by the thought that it could happen, just like that. She’s always known it could of course, but she’s never been through it this way.

“Alex?” Kara questions, touching her shoulder to get her attention. “What do you wanna do?”

“What?” Alex asks back. “Sorry, what’s happening?”

“Maggie said she needed help with a case.” Winn offers. “Did you want me to get in touch with the precinct and try talk to them?”

“Uh...yeah.” Alex decides. “Yeah, call and offer them bravo team but I need to-"

“Go.” Kara finishes, motioning Alex out the door. “You need to go"

Alex swallows, thankful Kara understands as she rushes past Winn. 

The whole way to the parking garage Alex can’t help but having to tell herself that Maggie is okay, forcing the image of her lying limply in the officers arms out of her mind in an attempt to focus.

But all that really helps is the sound of her Ducati as it roars to life, Alex forcing herself to stay below the limit as she rolls it out onto the street and points it towards the centre of the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one coming soon 👍😁


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know the drill, lemme know if anything needs fixing 😊

She’s gotten used to waking up in places she doesn’t know lately, Maggie borderline content with the five minutes it usually takes to remember she isn’t in Alex’s apartment, that the light coming through the window isn’t warm like it was there. 

But right now, the fact is so clear with the pain that radiates in her body that Maggie almost begs to go back to sleep.

A rough voice prevents it though, Maggie silently wishing to be swallowed by the thin sheets as her captain, Peterson, shuffles into the room with guidance from a nurse.

He’s a biggish man, his beard usually trimmed while still managing to seem unruly just like his greying hair. But his eyes remind Maggie of a shark, sometimes almost black depending on the lighting and it creeps her out.

“Sawyer.” He acknowledges with a grave and displeased tone.

“Sir.” She offers as evenly as possible, subtly reaching for the pain medication button and holding it down until she’s sure she’s maxed out her dosage. 

“Looks like you got lucky.” He offers. “A couple fractures but no breaks or permanent damage.”

“Well, you know me.” Maggie shrugs. “Luck of the devil.”

Peterson huffs at that, tapping the edge of her bed tensely as he seems to work up the nerve to say whatever is in his head.

“Would you care to explain yourself?” He asks, folding his arms across his dark blue uniform. Maggie briefly wonders if he irons it every morning.

“Not really.” She shrugs, knowing there isn’t an official reason she can really give him anyway. 

He scoffs, pacing along her bedside as he seems to think.

“I’ve tried giving you space, time.” He reasons. “But I can’t keep turning a blind eye Sawyer. I need good people working for me, people I can trust.”

“You don’t trust me?” Maggie questions defensively.

“I trust that you will always do what you think is right.” He admits. “But not that you'll follow orders. And this organization operates on orders detective.” 

“And if they’re wrong?” She asks bluntly.

“Dammit Maggie!” He all but yells. “I am trying to protect you, you can’t do things on your own!” 

Maggie nods. She knows she can’t. But more and more lately she’s been feeling totally useless, like no matter what she does she isn’t making a difference. Not like she did working with the DEO. 

A small part of her has to admit that maybe that’s the reason she went there today, that she was searching for a sense of purpose.

Another part whispers that she was also missing something... someone. But she doesn’t have the strength to listen to that.

The room bristles and Maggie plays with the sheets beneath her fingers. 

Captain Peterson just sighs, rubbing his forehead as if to relieve some pressure there.

“Here.” He mumbles, placing Maggie’s beaten badge on the bed beside her. “Get some rest, I'll see you next week.”

“I'll be back this aft-"

“Next week.” Peterson repeats sternly, turning without another word and marching out of the room.

Maggie clenches her jaw, her fingers wrapping tightly around her badge and feeling all the damage across the surface.

She holds it up, the edges dull and not really catching the light the way it used to when she first got it. The numbers... her number is scratched and worn, like they’ve been struck through with a knife repeatedly.

Maggie wonders if this is what people see when they look at her, something that used to mean hope and courage. Something that used to be determined to change this place.

But now it just lies broken and damaged while the world continues spinning without so much as a seconds hesitation. 

She can’t decide what she wants to think about it. But all Maggie knows is that she can’t just keep repeating these days of not feeling like she’s doing anything worthwhile. She can’t keep seeing people in need of help and know there’s nothing she can do. 

If Peterson won’t let her do these kinds of cases alone and Maggie can’t ask the one person she used to trust for help, what is she supposed to do? Step back and become like so many other people she works with, just offering help without being able to give it.

Maggie can’t... she won’t become that person. She will find a way to help, even if it means becoming someone she’s not.

It’s that small fire of determination that has her hitting the pain medication once more before dragging herself out of the bed and over to her clothes that have been folded onto a chair. The machines beep at her in protest but Maggie doesn’t care.

Getting her clothes back on proves to a slight mission, Maggie not even bothering to do her belt up properly as she shoves her shoes on and grabs her jacket.

The badge in her hand feels heavy, like a weight Maggie has grown tired of carrying. She’s always felt a need to bear it though, like that in and of itself would make all the difference. But all it’s done is get her hurt and prevented her from stopping the same from happening to others. 

So it’s almost a relief when she finally lets it go, letting it fall onto the bed with a soft thud to take her place in this hospital. She hopes the memories it carries die here and that she can move on from what has been her entire life. If she’s honest, Maggie knows that she doesn’t really have any other choice right now.

Grabbing her things and pulling the door open carefully, Maggie fumbles for her phone as she trudges down the hallway to try and find the entrance.

It rings as she dials a number she has memorized rather than saved, Maggie dodging the glares from nurses as she holds the phone to her ear.

“Hello?” A voice answers distortedly on the other end as the call connects.

“Kate.” Maggie sighs out. “It’s me. I um... does your offer still stand?”

A click sounds over the line and the distorted voice is replaced by Kate Kane’s, her easy accent and charm almost a familiar comfort to Maggie amongst the walls of the hospital. 

“For you Sawyer, the offer will always stand.” She offers happily. “A chopper will meet you at the top of CatCo in half an hour.” 

“Thanks.” Maggie breaths out, hanging up and wrapping her jacket around her shoulders tightly. 

She has about fifteen minutes to get her stuff from her apartment, not that that will be much of a task considering she’s more or less kept her possessions to what can fit inside the bag she left Alex’s with. Although thinking about it, Maggie doesn't want any of that anyway. She may as well just get new stuff in Gotham.

It would be professional to resign in person, but Maggie knows that Peterson wouldn’t even be surprised to get an email from her next week. There's good cops who could replace her anyway. 

If there’s one thing Maggie has come to accept, it’s that she’s replaceable. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it ends kinda shitty so I'm gonna try update in the next couple days after editing the next bit 👍   
> Happy Holidays!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always lemme know if anything needs fixing and hope ya enjoy 😊

Alex races up to emergency reception, the woman looking up at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Sawyer, please.” Alex asks impatiently, resting her arms on the high desk to watch as the receptionist types on the computer.

“There’s no visitors righ-"

“Please.” Alex repeats desperately. “I have to see her. Please.”

The woman sighs but seems to take pity as she takes in Alex’s current state.

“Room 407.” She offers, Alex rushing away with a mumbled thank you. “And ma’am, no running!” She calls after her.

Alex does her best to keep her pace to walk, counting down the rooms until 407 is staring her in the face.

Should she knock? Should she leave? Alex can’t answer any of the questions that scream in her head, not that it really matters as her hand reaches for the door handle on its own.

The room is kind of dark, only the bedside light on to keep the shadows at the edge of the room.

But as Alex steps inside, her heart shatters to see the empty bed. She wonders if it’s the wrong room or if Maggie is in the bathroom, but when she spots something lying on the bed she knows neither are the case.

She shuffles forward and picks up Maggie’s badge, her fingers running over the rough and scarred surface. It’s not how she remembers it, the surface worn and marked where Alex remembers Maggie polishing and smoothing it out. 

She lifts her face to the ceiling in an attempt not to cry, her hand clenching around the badge like it’s her only lifeline. 

But Alex knows she still has to find Maggie, so she pushes the pain lodged in her chest aside and grabs her phone as she shoves Maggie’s badge deep into her pocket.

It rings shortly before Winn answers distractedly.

“Yeah?” He asks, the sound of keys clicking in the background filling Alex’s ear.

“She’s not here.” Alex explains, charging out of the room. “Can you track her?”

“One sec.” Winn mumbles, Alex walking briskly back to the entrance and pacing to her bike, ready to go wherever Winn instructs.

“Okay, her cell made a call about fifteen minutes ago.” He offers. “I can get the audio.”

It’s not exactly legal but Alex isn’t surprised that she doesn’t care.

“Play it.” She orders.

There’s slight interference on the line before Maggie’s voice echoes back at Alex.

“Does your offer still stand?” Maggie asks.

“For you Sawyer, the offer will always stand.” A woman replies happily. “A chopper will meet you at the top of CatCo in half an hour.”

“Thanks.” Maggie sighs, the line cutting dead.

Alex frowns, trying to place the other voice.

“Winn was that-"

“Voice recognition confirms it’s Kate.” Winn cuts in, Alex shutting her eyes in realization that Maggie is going back to Gotham.

“I need the fastest route to CatCo on my heads up.” Alex instructs, climbing onto her bike and revving it to life.

“Already done.” Winn confirms. “Alex?”

“Yeah?” Alex asks, grabbing her helmet and eyeing the route Winn has set up on the display.

“Don’t let her go.” Winn says quietly, hanging up gently.

Alex swallows, repeating the words back to herself as she pulls her helmet on.

_Don’t let her go. Don’t let her go._

She doesn’t keep to the limit this time, weaving through the traffic and through stop lights, not caring about the cars that protest or the bystanders who yell. Alex is only focused on getting to Maggie.

The buildings practically blur together, Alex going faster and faster as she watches CatCo tower begin to loom over her.

Not wasting any time, she practically skids the bike to a stop right outside the main entrance and pulls her helmet off in the lobby.

The clerk behind the desk calls after her when she drops it on the marble floor, charging towards the elevators as they close. 

“Hold the door!” Alex yells, running through people to try and get there. 

But the doors shut, Alex charging into them angrily and hitting her fists against the steel. The second elevator is also only about a quarter way up the Tower, heading upwards.

Alex growls angrily and pushes past the lines already forming for the next elevator trip, heading for the stairs.

She crashes through the door and begins running, not caring how after about 20 flights she starts to lose her breath. She pushes on, climbing and climbing, hauling herself up with the handrail at times.

None of it matters, not the way her lungs burn or the way her legs begin to ache, all that matters is getting there before it’s too late.

Finally she reaches the top, running into the rooftop door. It’s locked and Alex pulls at the handle angrily, the sound of a helicopter whirring outside making her heart race.

“Come on!” Alex screams, pulling at the handle.

It still doesn’t give way and Alex steps back angrily, pulling her gun from her waistband and firing at the lock repeatedly.

It blows holes into the door before a bullet manages to hit the lock directly, blowing the door open slightly and letting the overpowering sound of a Wayne Industries helicopter flood Alex’s senses.

She pushes outside, holding a hand up against the force of the rotor blades as the helicopter takes off.

“Maggie!” Alex yells inaudibly against the sound, trying to run for the helicopter but being forced backwards. “Maggie!”

Alex screams desperately against the overpowering sound of the helicopter, her eyes straining to see if Maggie is inside.

It’s no use though, there’s nothing Alex can do to stop it.

But suddenly the helicopter stops moving, the steel groaning as it lurches and tries to pull against something. Alex spots a red cape fluttering beneath it, her hands raising to shield her face as Kara pulls the helicopter back down to the landing pad.

The hero floats up slightly and catches one of the rotor blades, the steel immediately ceasing to spin against her hand.

The pilot shuts down the screaming engine, the sound sputtering and stalling as Kara floats back down to the building.

“What the hell are you doing?!” The pilot yells, unbuckling himself and trying to tug off his helmet.

“Woah.” Kara warns, holding a hand up to the windshield. “Calm down and stay there. Actually get Kate on the line if you can, I wanna talk to her.” The hero orders calmly.

The pilot nods, clearly not up to a fight with Supergirl.

But Alex doesn’t care about any of that, her focus set intently on the door that opens on the helicopters side, Maggie motioning at the Co-Pilot to wait as she jumps down onto the landing pad.

Her eyes find Alex, an almost cold and distant expression in them. And she doesn’t move, doesn’t do anything but look at her across the distance.

Kara looks to Alex worriedly, nodding at her before flying up again, grabbing the helicopter blades and taking it with her as she rises into the sky. The pilots panic and scramble to hold the controls, despite Kara clearly having control on the silent machine as they head into the city.

Alex can feel her feet start to move, her hands shaking by her sides as she gets closer to the detective still left on the landing pad.

Maggie looks the same, mostly. Her hair is shorter, just a little and there’s a small scar in her eyebrow that Alex doesn’t recognize.

It hurts not being familiar with all the small things that are new, but it hurts more when Maggie steps back defensively when Alex is within an arms length of her, the detective’s arms crossing over her chest.

Alex raises her hands slightly, her heart slamming against her ribs.

“Sorry, I’m not...” She tries, making sure Maggie can see that she won’t get any closer.

“What do you want?” Maggie asks evenly, practically void of any emotion. “You know Kate won’t let this sort of thing stand, let alone Bruce.” 

Alex opens her mouth, nothing coming out as things scream inside her head over each other, all of them mixing together confusingly.

“I... you came to see me.” She eventually fumbles out.

“I came to see the Director of the DEO.” Maggie clarifies. “Congratulations on the promotion by the way.”

“Maggie-“

“What Alex?” Maggie cuts in. “Why are you here, what is this?” She motions between them sadly. 

“Please don’t go.” Alex pleads quietly. “Let’s just go somewhere and talk.”

“About what?” Maggie questions harshly, raising her shoulders. “I’m sure Peterson can fill you in on the case they need help with, talk to him.” She reasons, sidestepping Alex widely and marching away towards the stairwell door.

“Maggie, please.” Alex tries, reaching after the detective and grabbing her forearm.

“Just let it go Alex.” Maggie admonishes, pulling her arm back like she’s been burnt and continuing to walk, cradling it in her hand. “You don’t owe me anything.”

Alex falters, frozen and unable to say anything as she watches Maggie disappear down the stairs.

She wants to run after her, Alex wants to scream for this to all end because it feels like a nightmare that she’s trapped in. If she could just escape it, Alex is sure she’d wake up with Maggie in her arms and her heart beating steadily in her chest.

But all she has is this sick and stalling feeling that repeats over and over, making her throat burn and her eyes sting.

“What are you doing?” Kara suddenly asks, landing beside Alex heavily. “Go after her!”

“And do what?!” Alex yells furiously, wiping at the tears that stream down her face.

“Tell her!” Kara yells back, grabbing Alex’s shoulders. “Tell her the truth, tell her you made a mistake and that more than anything you love her!” She screams.

Alex swallows her tears with the words, holding Kara’s cape slightly to stay balanced as she tries to calm down.

“I know you're scared, but so is she.” Kara continues, clearly fighting to keep her voice steady. “But there’s not enough time in life for you to waste it being afraid.” She reasons. “You're a fighter Alex, so fight. Because if anything is worth it, then this is it.”

“She won’t believe me.” Alex worries brokenly.

“Then prove it.” Kara urges. “Or let her go and let her try to move on.”

Alex looks to her sister in confusion, stammering incomprehensibly.

“Holding on will only hurt you both. And that isn’t fair.” The hero explains sadly. “So love her and get her back... or let her go.”

Alex feels every cell inside her scream at the thought of letting Maggie go. Because as much as she’s tried to deny it, Alex has still been holding onto things. And she can’t let go. 

She can’t bring herself to give up the brief moment every morning where she still reaches out for Maggie across the sheets, she can’t give up the way she still leaves a space for Maggie’s gun and badge on the entrance table every night. Alex can’t give up the feeling that Maggie is still going to come home.

But she doesn't know how to bridge the gap between them now, doesn't know how to fix something when the pieces keep falling through her fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be editing the next bit so it should be out before or just after the new year 🤗  
> Hope everyone's having a safe and happy holiday! 😁


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know the drill, lemme know what ya think or if anything needs fixing and hope ya enjoy!😄

“Sawyer?” Kate questions a little irritably over the phone. “What the hell happened to my chopper? Do you know how irritating it is to get a call from Lena Luthor questioning why a Wayne Industries helicopter is landing on her building? With Supergirl in tow no less.”

Maggie groans as she furrows her eyes shut, putting her shoulder into her apartment door to get the damn thing to budge open while she balances the cell phone against her ear.

“Sorry Kate.” She mutters. “It’s not like I was expecting Supergirl to just show up.”

“We both know this has nothing to do with Kara.” Kate reasons less than subtly. 

“I wasn’t expecting her either.” Maggie sighs, kicking the door shut and slumping into her couch as Kate scoffs distractedly over Alex's actions.

Her apartment reminds her of Alex in some ways, the open layout with a small balcony. But it looks darker, the walls a deep shade of brown that almost blends into the floorboards. It feels smaller, like a cell Maggie actually finds comfort in when she locks the door each night.

Kate hums on the end of the line, Maggie rolling her eyes at the expression she knows is on the woman’s face.

“You and Alex have a habit with things being unexpected.” Kate muses. 

“Don’t start.” Maggie cuts the discussion short. “Can I just meet you at Bruce’s place, day after tomorrow?”

“You don't wanna catch another flight?” Kate questions.

“No it’s fine.” Maggie assures. “I'll bring my old bike out from storage, we can have a race this weekend.”

“You're on!” Kate exclaims, Maggie grateful that she doesn’t push what happened earlier.

“Tell Grayson to have a beer ready for me.” Maggie smiles out.

“Will do.” Kate assures. “Catch you in few days.”

The line goes dead, Maggie dropping the phone into her lap and letting her head hang back to stare at the ceiling.

She tries to focus on the plans she has, on Gotham and what she needs to tell Peterson before she leaves now that she has the time.

But Maggie can’t help but end up thinking about Alex.

Why did she come to CatCo like that? Why did she want to talk? Should Maggie have listened? 

The truth is, Maggie doesn’t know the answer to anything she asks herself about Alex right now. She thought what they had was something, but now she doesn’t know what to believe.

All Maggie knows is that Alex isn’t hers anymore and that someone else gets to be her safety net, her shoulder to cry on... her home. And maybe Kelly is better at that than what Maggie could be.

The thought alone makes her heart ache, the detective clenching her fists as she stands and marches to the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge. She grabs a few painkillers and swallows them with the beer, coughing a little as the pills go down.

The alcohol doesn’t numb much of anything, but it gives Maggie’s hands something to do as she paces the living room.

She kicks her boots off, berating herself for the mediocre distraction as she decides to try and get some sleep so she can leave early in the morning.

All Maggie wants to do is put this day behind her. And hopefully by the time she reaches Gotham she’ll feel... well Maggie doesn’t know really. But she feels lost here, so she supposes somewhere new isn’t the worst place to look for something, anything to help her move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next bit coming soon 😄  
> Happy new year if that comes first, hope everyone has fun and stays safe and here's to Sanvers 2019🥳


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit more angst for everyone😄  
> Lemme know what ya think and if there's anything to fix, haven't proofread it much🤷♀️😅 hope ya enjoy 🤗

The elevator takes too long, feels too small for Alex to be completely calm. Although it hasn’t really felt normal since Melvourne had kidnapped her...or Maggie hasn’t been there to distract her as the floors pass by.

So it’s not unusual when Alex squeezes through the doors before they fully open, just to get into the hallway outside her apartment. 

But it’s like trading one bad feeling for another when Alex sees Kelly leaning against her doorframe.

“Hey.” She offers, straightening as Alex shuffles closer.

“Hi.” Alex mumbles, bouncing her keys nervously in her palm.

Kelly seems to look her over, Alex unsure what to make of the small sigh the other woman lets out after a moment. Alex had come here to regroup, figure out a plan. But now she’s stuck in this painful push and pull with Kelly and it’s making her head ache with every silence filled second. 

“I'm sorry.” Kelly eventually speaks. “About earlier, I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

“It’s fine.” Alex reasons instinctively, avoiding looking at the vulnerability she can feel on Kelly’s face.

“It’s not.” She urges. “But you have to know that with you things are... complicated.”

Alex frowns in confusion. “Complicated?”

“You aren’t exactly an easy person to keep up with.” Kelly explains. “And you have a past that I know will always affect you in some way.”

“Kelly I-" Alex tries, her words cutting short as Kelly steps forward and grabs her hands.

“I don’t care.” She whispers. “Past, future, it doesn’t matter. We’ll work through it and figure it out. Together.”

Alex swallows heavily, pulling her hands away as gently as possible even though she can clearly see the hurt flashing in Kelly’s eyes.

“I care.” Alex whispers. “I care about who I was, the person I can see everyone else is looking for. And I’m not her anymore.” She reasons slowly, trying to explain. “I'm not me, anymore.”

“I don’t understand.” Kelly states, folding her arms defensively. “What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing.” Alex shrugs. “We’ve been trying to do something for so long now. Maybe there’s a reason it hasn’t worked.”

“Is there?” Kelly questions angrily. “Because I thought we were fine... until her.”

Alex sighs, running a hand through her hair as she tries to balance the way her emotions are brimming just below the surface.

“It’s not about Maggie.” Alex explains. 

“It is.” Kelly throws back. “How can you talk about not being yourself and think that who you really are is the Alex from two years ago and not have it be about Maggie?!” She reasons angrily. “You changed when she became a part of your life. And what you’re saying is changing for her is worth more than changing for me.”

“Because I haven’t changed!” Alex yells. “I haven’t changed for you! We wanted the same things, that’s all!” She explains, more angry with herself than anything. “And Maggie... I didn’t change for her Kelly. It was just... I wasn’t afraid to be who I really was, I was always that person beneath it all.”

Kelly shakes her head, turning her head to the ceiling to keep a grip before looking back to Alex.

“So what exactly is it that you want?” She questions, raising her shoulders slightly. 

Alex bites her cheek at the question, not sure what to say even as her heart screams out one answer that has already walked away from her tonight.

Something must show on her face though, because Kelly stiffens and squares her shoulders.

“I can give you everything.” She offers quietly, the ultimatum silent but hanging in the air. She wants Alex to choose.

And Alex cares about Kelly, she does, but something inside her knows she couldn’t survive being in love out of convenience. She needs the rush and the thrill, the spark in her chest and the calm in her mind. She can’t choose, because there is no choice.

“She is everything.” Alex whispers, not really surprised by the way her gaze holds Kelly’s own so confidently with the words.

But it doesn’t last long, Kelly nodding disappointedly before shuffling past Alex and heading for the elevator.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for.” She offers somewhat sincerely, Alex hanging her head as the elevator doors open and she disappears inside.

Alex watches as the floors tick down to zero, realization dawning on her when no urge to chase after Kelly fills her body. 

She knows its the right thing to have done, it wasn’t fair to either of them.

But that leaves her heart stranded in the middle of nowhere. And all Alex can think to do is try again. Maybe Maggie won’t listen, maybe she’ll leave. But Alex can’t just let this go. And she knows she doesn’t have a lot of time.

She clenches her keys tightly, pacing back to the elevator to wait for it to come back up as she pulls out her phone.

It rings shortly before the line fills with a mess of noise, Alex wincing before Winn’s voice replaces the sound of the control room.

“Hi, Alex?” He asks.

“Hey Winn, I need another favour.” Alex says, hitting the elevator button again impatiently.

“Sure, what’s up?” Winn questions.

“I need an address.” She breathes out, bracing herself as the elevator finally comes up and the doors open.

She steps inside and selects the parking garage, closing her eyes when Winn answers the vague request knowingly.

“She’s at 113 Westland Avenue... apartment 27.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next bit is coming soon, Alex and Maggie finally share a scene for more than 3 seconds 👍😅  
> And... Happy new year!🥳


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short one but anyways, hope ya like it🤗

Maggie sighs as she finally collapses onto her bed, uncaring about the unfinished beer she’s left in the living room or the slight ache from her fractured ribs. But the pain meds she took just after getting home have started to kick in so she isn’t overly bothered.

She pulls the sheets up, wrapping them tightly around herself like a poor imitation of someone holding her close. The feeling used to keep her awake, the memories that would surface too painful for Maggie to handle as she ripped the bed apart to the mattress and slept on the couch. 

But she’s gotten better, gotten used the empty feeling that takes over her chest as vague images flash in her mind of nights she didn’t spend alone.

Tonight though is different. Seeing Alex again feels like a drug, Maggie having gone so long without it that she thought the exposure wouldn’t affect her. And yet, here she is thinking about her like she only left yesterday.

The rain that starts to land gently against her window doesn’t help, the sound just seeming to make her thoughts spiral.

She wonders if it still scares Alex to see the water running down the glass, if she pulls the curtains closed at any mention of the rain coming. She wonders if Alex still worries about Kara when lightning starts to strike the buildings or if she still buries her head beneath the covers to sleep with the thunder.

Maggie sighs, rolling onto her back and brining her hands to her face to try and push the thoughts away. Not that it ever works.

But a knock on the door suddenly echoes through the apartment, Maggie sitting up a little at the noise. She rolls her eyes and gets out of bed when the knock sounds again, impatiently.

“Alright, alright.” Maggie grumbles. “Hold on.”  
She crosses the living room cautiously, grabbing her gun from the entrance table and flicking the safety off as she holds it behind her back.

Leaning up against the door, she drops her forehead against the wood when she looks through the spy hole.

“What do you want Alex?” She mumbles through the barrier, dropping her gun back on the table.

“Maggie?” Alex’s voice muffles through the door. “Maggie, please let me in.”

“What do you want?” Maggie repeats, closing her eyes to fight off the urge to pull the door open right now.

There’s silence for a while, Maggie fairly sure she can hear Alex sliding down the door to sit in the hallway. She does the same, letting her elbows rest on her knees as she braces her head in her hands. 

“You shouldn’t be here.” Maggie reasons as she leans back against the only thing separating her from everything she’s lost.

“I know.” Alex whispers back, Maggie feeling the agent’s head hit the door against her own. “But I don’t know where else to go.”

“Go home.” Maggie suggests heavily.

There’s another silence, Maggie wondering after a few seconds if Alex has actually left. But her voice soon echoes through the door again.

“I'm trying to.” She reasons brokenly.

“What does that mean Alex?” Maggie questions hesitantly.

“Please let me in?” Alex asks again. “Five minutes.” 

Maggie sighs, wishing she could just ignore the pleading in Alex’s voice, that she could just get back into bed and pretend this isn’t happening. But it is. And she can’t ignore it.

She supposes this might be a chance for something... closure maybe? One more goodbye for her to regret later?

Regardless, Maggie can’t deny who’s outside her door right now. She knows a part of her will never be able to forgive herself if she doesn’t see this through.

So even though her heart skips a beat as she stands and reaches for the door handle, Maggie is quick to pull in a breath to fortify the weak walls that surround it.

She argues with herself pointlessly and opens the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter will be going up soon 👍😄 hope everyone has a good weekend😁


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay..so this is a fairly long chapter just for everyone's info 👍  
> It's a tricky one considering it is the "fixing" section for lack of a better explanation..so while I don't think the canon situation can really be resolved perfectly (no scene or dialogue or moment is ever gonna fix it 110% in my opinion) but hopefully this is a start to mending it, at least in terms of this fic..  
> Anyways y'all know the drill so 👌😁

Alex waits, closing her eyes as she leans her head back on the door. She frowns at the puddle that forms in the hallway as water drips from her clothes and hair, Alex doing her best to act like the feeling doesn’t do anything to make her uncomfortable. 

Maggie hasn’t answered yet and Alex knows she doesn’t have to, knows that if she wanted Maggie could just leave her out here.

The fact that she would have no right to even be upset about Maggie’s choice to do just that is really what stings right now. Alex doesn’t know how she could have let them become this. 

So she sits... and she waits. 

But Alex nearly yelps when the door behind her suddenly gives way and she falls backwards, her back hitting the floor as she stares up at Maggie who holds the door open above her.

Alex scrambles to her feet, slipping a little on the water she’s left on Maggie’s floor as she stands awkwardly.

“Can you get that?” Maggie asks, stepping back and motioning at the open door Alex is currently blocking.

It takes Alex a moment to register, her eyes moving over Maggie and taking in the familiar sweat pants and shirt, Alex wondering if the black fabric is one and the same as she remembers helping from Maggie’s body so many times.

But when Maggie turns and walks towards the bathroom, Alex shakes her head clear a little and shuts the door quietly. 

She looks around the apartment, resisting the urge to reach for the open beer on the coffee table with the lurch that surges through her chest at how the place is barely lived in. There’s no pictures or items on any of the shelves, the windowsill bare of any bonsai trees despite Alex noting the spot being perfect for them.

“Here.” Maggie mumbles, Alex startling out of her thoughts and looking between the detective and the towel she holds out hesitantly.

“I'm okay.” She reasons, despite the water crawling over her skin saying otherwise.

“Well my floor isn’t.” Maggie retorts, urging the towel into Alex’s hands as the agent looks down to the water pooling at her boots.

“Sorry.” Alex mumbles, wrapping the towel around herself as she kicks her boots off to keep the mess near the door at least. “Is your... are you okay? I know the concussion was minor but still...”

Maggie just nods, sitting on the arm of the couch and running a hand through her hair nervously as Alex shuffles in front of her.

“Five minutes isn’t that long.” Maggie muses. “I don’t mind if you want to spend it just standing here but-"

“I don’t.” Alex cuts in gently. “I just... don’t know what to say.”

“You want to talk, but you don’t know what to say.” Maggie clarifies slowly, sighing at the words. 

“I needed to talk to you.” Alex offers, knowing it isn’t much. “I don’t want us to be this way.”

“You say ‘us' like we’re still something.” Maggie mutters. “Last I checked, you were an ‘us' with someone else.”

“I'm not anymore.” Alex reasons. “I don't think I really ever was. Kelly was... it doesn’t matter now anyway. I’m not with her anymore.”

“Right.” Maggie nods unbelievingly. “And now you’re here because?”

“I told you.” Alex sighs quietly, Maggie shaking her head a little.

“Yeah.” She accepts. “But I don’t see what good talking would do, or even what there is to discuss.”

Alex clenches her jaw to cover the way her breathing falters, the notion that Maggie may not even care about them in any context anymore lingering heavily.

“You let me in... you came to see me at the DEO" Alex reasons cautiously. “You must still feel something like I do.”

“I came to the DEO because innocent people needed help.” Maggie defends. “Not for you.”

“Really?” Alex questions, careful not to raise her voice. “Is that the only reason?”

Maggie shifts a little uncomfortably, avoiding Alex’s gaze like she knows it will give away some sort of truth.

“If that’s all, then why this?” Alex asks, pulling Maggie’s badge from her pocket and holding it out to the detective. “Why are you leaving?”

“Because I’m not helping anyone here!” Maggie yells, shoving the badge away and not even flinching as it falls to the floor. “I can’t help those people at the docks tonight! I can’t help the aliens who trust in me, because I'm not an agent with that kind of power! And I can’t help you!” She lets out angrily. 

Alex stands a little shocked, struggling to make sense of the mix of emotions that rage over Maggie’s face. She doesn’t know how to explain everything she thinks, how to tell Maggie that she does help people. Alex doesn’t understand how Maggie can think she doesn’t.

“You have to know that isn’t true.” Alex pleads quietly. “You have to know what you mean to everyone... to me.”

“I know what you mean to me.” Maggie concedes. “I know it’s too much.”

"You mean something to me too!" Alex forces out, the anger more directed to herself than anywhere else. "I meant what I said, if I said it now it would still be the same depsite all of my mistakes. I love you Maggie, forever."

Maggie just shakes her head, almost backing away from Alex as she says the words like they're some sort of threat.

"Forever isn't as long as I thought then." She resolves, her tone harsh and unyielding.

And Alex knows it's a defense, knows that Maggie has her walls so high right now that the way her words cut straight to Alex's heart isn't Maggie's fault. In a way Alex knows it might be what she deserves, but it hurts and she can't handle seeing the woman she loves in conflict behind Maggie's eyes right now.

“Maggie plea-" Alex tries desperately.

“What do you want me to say?” Maggie cuts in. 

Alex swallows heavily, trying to think clearly when all her thoughts are a mess and her heart feels heavier than anything she can hold.

“What could I have said?” Maggie pushes brokenly. “Could I have done anything to make you do things differently...feel differently?”

“I’m sorry.” Alex whispers tearfully. “More than anything I’m-“

“I miss you.” Maggie forces out, the look in her eyes a hard mix of love and pain. “I miss hearing your voice from another room, I miss being in your arms at the end of the day, the way you pull me close in your sleep...I miss home.” She admits slowly. “Is that what you want me to say?”

Alex can’t breathe past the crushing feeling in her chest, the way the question burns between them making it feel impossible to answer. Especially when Maggie shakes her head sadly and looks away.

“Five minutes.” Maggie mumbles instead, looking to the clock on the wall and then back to Alex to signal her time is up.

“Please can we just-" Alex tries, her words cut off as Maggie raises a hand abruptly.

“We’ve talked.” Maggie argues dejectedly. “That’s all we ever did. About our pasts and what we wanted for the future.” She reminisces slowly. “You're the one who said...”

Alex can see Maggie struggling, stepping forward instinctively to try and hold her hand.

“Don’t.” Maggie scolds, pulling back and standing from the couch. “Don’t touch me, I can’t...don’t.”

Alex nods, clenching her fingers to stop the urge as she tries not to fall apart at the way Maggie is looking at her as she paces in the living room.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Alex offers gently. “Please don’t be scared.”

Maggie laughs shortly at that, tears escaping down her cheeks with the gesture as Alex feels her chest lurch at the sight.

“I'm not.” Maggie reasons brokenly. “Not for me.”

“I don’t...” Alex shakes her head in confusion. “What do you mean?” 

Maggie sighs, like even standing here is too much to bear. Alex understands the feeling if she’s honest. 

“I won’t do this again.” Maggie explains brokenly. “I won’t let myself be selfish... I won’t let us be something that could hurt you again.” She cries out, turning away and coursing a hand through her hair to try and hide the pain Alex can see written all over her face.

“Maggie you've never...” Alex attempts, realizing exactly what Maggie must have heard back at the DEO. “Maggie... no. That wasn’t... I didn’t mean...” She struggles to explain.

“You said I was a scar, that I was something you needed to heal from.” Maggie reels angrily. “I knew before that it would end like this, it’s always like this.” She cries, clutching her stomach and doubling over as sobs wrack through her body.

Alex can’t stop herself, she rushes in and her arms wrap around Maggie like a vice as the towel drops from her shoulders. She cries too as she feels the detectives hands cling to her shoulders harshly despite how soaked her clothes are.

“It wasn’t you.” Alex cries, uncaring about how her words are muffled into Maggie’s hair. “Losing you is what hurt me, I hurt myself letting you go.” She tries explaining brokenly. 

Maggie shakes her head fiercely, Alex just holding her tighter and refusing to let her go.

“It wasn’t you.” Alex repeats, unable to keep them both standing as they both collapse to the living room floor. 

They both cry, Alex rocking them back and forth slowly in an attempt to calm Maggie down. It takes a few minutes, but eventually the detective’s breathing slows against Alex’s neck.

Her arms tighten instinctively around Maggie with the sensation, Alex holding her breath when Maggie’s lips touch her skin inadvertently.

“Maggie.” Alex whispers, her voice shaking when the detective hums against her neck. “Maggie I can’t do this ri-"

Alex’s words die in her throat as Maggie grabs her jaw and pulls her down, their lips meeting gently like neither has the courage to really give in to the action.

But Alex’s body reacts when Maggie’s fingers start slipping from her face, Alex desperate to keep the contact as she pushes forward a little.

Her heart practically skips a beat when Maggie’s hand threads into her hair and pulls her in closer, the detective leaning back against the couch as she grabs Alex’s jacket and pulls until the agent climbs into her lap.

Their kiss only grows more heated with the shift, Alex’s grasp moving to Maggie’s hair to tilt her head back slightly.

It’s overpowering, feeling Maggie against her again. Somehow it feels just like Alex remembers, yet her hands shake with the intensity every time Maggie touches her, every time she kisses back.

Alex gasps as Maggie’s hands find her waist instinctively an pull forward. Her breath hitches when Maggie moves down to her neck and kisses at her pulse, which Alex is sure must only stammer under the gesture.

But it’s like she suddenly has room to breathe, her eyes opening to focus on an unfamiliar apartment. And Alex’s mind races to catch up to her heart as it races in her chest.

“Maggie.” She forces out shakily. “Maggie, wait...”

Alex groans as Maggie ignores the words, her hands tightening a little on Alex’s waist even as she leans back up to kiss her again. 

It’s impossible for Alex not to get caught up in the feeling of Maggie’s lips against her own, the sensation so much stronger than she could ever be prepared for.

But it also feels wrong, something tugging at Alex for her to notice. And she does, when she feels water on her cheek and realizes that it’s not from the rain clinging to her hair.

“Maggie.” Alex mumbles again as the detective kisses her desperately, even as she tries to speak. But Maggie is crying and Alex can’t bear to feel the pain that radiates in her chest with that. “Maggie, please...” 

Maggie breaks their kiss with a quiet sob as Alex grabs her hands, pulling them from her waist and interlacing their fingers as they rest in her lap.

“Don’t..don’t...” Maggie cries quietly, half-heartedly fighting against the hold Alex has on her hands.

Alex leans forward, resting her forehead against Maggie’s as the detective struggles to contain her crying. 

“Maggie?” Alex questions, squeezing her fingers gently. “I'm sorry, did I hurt you? Are you okay?” 

“I can’t.” Maggie forces out, her voice cracking and broken in a way that has Alex clenching her eyes shut.

She nods painfully and lets go of Maggie’s hands, starting to move away. But she stops when Maggie suddenly grabs hold of her. 

“Don’t.” Maggie repeats brokenly, her hold on Alex’s jacket firm enough to not let her move any further. “I can’t.”

Alex feels her throat clench shut as tears roll down her cheeks as she realizes Maggie doesn’t want her to leave like she thought.

She settles back across Maggie’s thighs, her body trembling as Maggie reaches for her hands again. 

Alex finds herself staring at the way their fingers fit together, imagining what it would look like if she had made a different choice all that time ago... if their rings would be starting to lose their shine from being worn or what sound they’d make every time they held hands.

The future they’ve lost, that they might never have, weighs heavily on Alex’s heart and she crumples forward into Maggie as the sobs begin to wrack her body.

“I'm so sorry.” She cries out, holding onto the woman beneath her like its the only thing she has left in the world. “I'm sorry Maggie. I don’t know what to do... what do we do?”

Maggie holds her tighter, Alex grateful for the slight pain it causes in her body because it almost grounds her in the moment.

“I don’t know.” She chokes out, her breath catching in her chest against Alex’s. 

Alex buries her face in Maggie’s hair, crying until she physically can’t anymore. Her lungs feel bruised from the effort as she finally calms, Alex’s heart beating heavily in her ears. Or is it Maggie’s? Alex can’t tell, she can feel them both thudding slowly against her chest and she’s fairly sure they’re in time with one another. 

She remembers the first time she held Maggie this close, Alex had wanted to so badly to get closer. Like she could somehow meld them together so their heartbeats could always beat in time like this. 

Right now though, Alex is just grateful to be feeling it like this again. It was a hope she had given up a long time ago.

“You're cold.” Maggie suddenly whispers, Alex realizing her body has started to tremble slightly, her fingers stiff where they clench into the back of Maggie’s shirt.

“Sorry.” Alex mumbles, knowing she should really move but not being able to bring herself to let go of the hold she has on Maggie.

But she doesn’t have much choice when Maggie’s arms loosen around her waist, her hands travelling slowly up her sides and up onto Alex’s arms. Maggie pulls gently and Alex panics, her arms locking as she clenches her eyes shut.

“It’s okay.” Maggie murmurs, gently urging Alex’s arms from around her shoulders. “You can let go, it’s okay.”

Her hands never leave Alex, holding her hand as they both shift and stand shakily, wrapping around her waist as Maggie’s leads them to the small bathroom and sits Alex down on the edge of the bathtub.

Alex watches as Maggie struggles a little to keep holding her hand and reach for towels in the cabinet. She can see where Maggie’s neck and hair are wet from where she was crying, Alex swallowing thickly at the feeling of sharing the same space, let alone having her hand in her own.

Maggie eventually gets a dry towel and drapes it over Alex’s shoulders, the detective seemingly intent on the task as if she’s scared to focus on anything else as she stands in front of Alex.

“Maggie?” Alex questions shakily.

The detective just ignores her, pulling out another towel and running it through Alex’s hair gently.

“Maggie I-" She tries again.

“Just... don’t talk, please.” Maggie pleads quietly, her hands shaking even as she still tries to dry Alex’s hair, the rain long since abandoning the strands.

Alex reaches up, pulling the towel from Maggie’s hands and replacing it with her fingers as she stands. She pulls the back of Maggie’s palm to her lips, kissing the skin gently because she’s half afraid that this more than anything is crossing a line Maggie won’t want her to.

But they shuffle out of the bathroom, Maggie leading Alex the short distance to her bed before pointing over to a simple set of drawers. 

Alex lets go of Maggie hesitantly, resisting looking back at her with every step as she heads for the drawers. But she doesn’t know how to look back at Maggie when she opens the top drawer, a familiar orange shirt folded perfectly in the centre of a sea of black and grey shirts. 

She reaches to hold it, the material heavier in her heart than it is in her hands as Alex stares down at the faded picture on the front.

“I didn’t mean to take it.” Maggie whispers from the bed, her voice urging Alex to turn and face her. “I just... needed something.” She offers fearfully.

It feels less about the shirt and more about something else, something Alex also hasn’t been able to let go of.

She nods reassuringly, pulling her shirt and jacket off awkwardly before tugging the shirt over her head and grabbing a pair of sweatpants that quickly replace her jeans.

The cuffs don’t exactly reach her ankles and Alex catches Maggie almost smiling at the sight as she gathers her clothes and puts them on a towel near the bathroom. She isn’t exactly sure what the small gesture means.

And Alex isn’t sure what she should do at this point, she still can’t really understand what’s happened...what is happening. And it leaves her standing a few feet away from Maggie, the detective sitting quietly on the foot of her bed like she’s in the same position as Alex with all of this. She must be just as on edge at the very least.

But after a moment of staring at the floor between them, Maggie holds out her hand across the small distance. 

Alex instinctively shuffles forward, taking Maggie’s hand gently and following after her as she moves up the bed.

She wants to say something as Maggie lies down on her side, the detective sighing like she hasn’t slept in days even as a slight wince takes over her features for a moment because of the fractures in her chest. But what is there to say? How does Alex say it all?

So in the end Alex just sits beside her, legs crossed like a child on the floor as she faces Maggie and watches the way her eyes struggle to stay open and her breathing slows.

“Did you take something for that?” Alex asks quietly, running the tips of her fingers over the sheets between them as Maggie nods slightly.

It assures Alex slightly knowing Maggie at least isn’t in any pain, but the thought that it could be worse than this if things had been minutely different is enough to make her breathing stall and stutter as Maggie reaches for her hand and pulls it to her chest.

“I know you want to talk.” She acknowledges gently. “That we need to. But just... right now I...”

“Sleep.” Alex urges gently, letting her thumb drift back and forth across the back of Maggie’s palm. 

The detective nods slightly, shifting a little closer to Alex as the sound of the rain outside grows heavy and thunder cracks over the city.

Alex watches it pour down the window, the water streaming patterns across the unfamiliar glass.

“Does it still scare you?” Maggie whispers, pulling Alex’s attention away from the window.

Alex shrugs, grateful for the way Maggie squeezes her hand comfortingly.

“Not really.” She murmurs. “Not since you left.” 

Maggie’s breathing stalls against Alex’s hand where she holds it to her chest, Alex rushing to clarify before the panic can spread.

“It just... wasn’t the worst thing that could happen in the day anymore.” She explains fearfully, not sure how to put into words the feelings she’s been hiding all this time.

“Did something happen?” Maggie asks gently, her voice assuring that she just wants to know.

“Yeah.” Alex concedes, shifting to lie down on the bed beside Maggie. 

Her breath lands against Alex’s lips, the sensation stealing her voice for a while before Maggie nudges her forehead gently to continue.

“It rained the night after you left.” Alex remembers quietly. “It was so loud and I thought the windows would break any second. But all I could think about was that I wasn’t afraid of the rain.” She whispers, trying not to let the memory of that night take over. “I was afraid because you weren’t there.”

Maggie just looks back at her, practically half asleep with all the medication she must be on. But she’s awake enough to reach for Alex’s face and run her thumb across her cheek to keep the tears at bay. 

“I was outside.” Maggie mumbles between them. “It started to rain... I was at the precinct.” She recalls slowly. “I left and drove home. I didn’t think...until I was there...but then I couldn’t leave...”

Alex lets out a slow breath, trying to take in the fact that Maggie had been there the whole time. 

“You could have come in.” Alex reasons quietly. “I would have let you in.”

“I know.” Maggie whispers. “That’s why I couldn’t.”

“I don’t understand.” Alex urges shakily, unable to figure out if it’s fear or nerves that clench in her stomach. 

Maggie sighs, clearly fighting just to stay awake.

“You deserve the chance to have everything you want Alex.” She mumbles, dropping her hand from Alex’s face to rest above her heart. “I had to let you have that chance... if someone could give you that... I can’t stand in the way of you being happy.”

Alex’s heart rambles against Maggie’s palm, the admission hanging between them in the silence.

“You... that’s the only reason you don’t want to be with me?” Alex asks in disbelief. “Because you think I... what? Deserve better or more than this?” 

“You do.” Maggie shrugs. 

“Maggie...” Alex stammers, shocked that this is what the detective has thought all this time. “No... I... this was never about deserving anything or you not being good enough.” She insists.

“It’s what it felt like.” Maggie mumbles, tapping her fingers against Alex’s chest lightly. “Still does... I can’t give you what you want.”

“Well it’s not.” Alex argues. “And what I want... I don’t know what I want beyond this.” She admits, holding Maggie’s hand above her heart. 

“You’ll figure it out one day.” Maggie reasons.

“Maybe.” Alex accepts. “But I won’t lose you. To anything... even me. Not again.”

“Alex...” Maggie warns half-heartedly.

“I'm only asking for a chance.” Alex assures gently. “Nothing else.”

Maggie mumbles something, her words muffled in tiredness that has Alex pulling her a little closer. She knows now isn’t the time anyway, that Maggie can’t decide anything now. 

“Sleep.” Alex urges gently, running her hand slowly through Maggie’s hair. “We have time.”

Maggie’s hands bunch into Alex’s shirt, holding her close as her breathing slows.

“Stay.” She murmurs weakly.

“I'm not going anywhere.” Alex reassures. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next bit coming soon w/ a bit more of Maggie's POV... it's gonna get a bit angsty still so fair warning..
> 
> Hope everyone has a good start to the week, day, weekend...whenever this is being read😅stay safe and catch ya again soon 🤗


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know the drill 😊 Hope ya enjoy

It isn’t cold. That’s the first thing Maggie realizes as her eyes begin to open. And her body aches in protest as she tries to stretch out, Maggie snapping wide awake when her hand touches something beside her.

Alex murmurs in her sleep at the contact, Maggie not daring to breathe as the agent settles into the pillows again. Its still dark, the clock behind Alex glowing with 3.00am.

Memories of last night rush into Maggie’s mind, her fingertips burning with the thought of touching Alex’s skin. But it’s a desire Maggie has enough restraint to keep contained right now as she shuffles a little further away from the woman across from her.

She doesn’t look the same, not the way Maggie thought she would... the way she dreamed she would. Something about Alex is sharp, like the tension in her body is overpowering the rest she’s getting from sleeping. Maggie isn’t sure what to make of it.

She doesn’t know what to make of the heavy feeling in her chest either. In some ways it’s like any other night she remembers with Alex. Like the way Maggie can’t help but know with everything she is that she will belong to this woman for the rest of her life, or the way that thought doesn’t really scare her. But in some ways it feels like something else.

She thinks about last night, each time Alex had held her a little closer Maggie can’t help but feel that she was trying to fix something broken... trying to save something lost. 

And Maggie can’t deny that she once thought Alex could really save her, could make it all mean something.

But she’s given everything she has, Maggie knows she’s given all those parts of herself away already. Alex had them. And the scars of losing them only leave Maggie numb. 

It leaves her lying here, wondering if there was something she could have said all that time ago. If there was something she could have done to make this all stop hurting. She thinks there must have been something, some comprise they missed or some promise they forgot that could have changed everything.

But her head is starting to spin being this close to Alex, Maggie trying to stay calm while her heartrate irrefutably starts to race.

And she can’t ignore the voice in her head that tells her that things aren’t different... they didn’t find a way to make it through.

After a few minutes, Maggie can’t help but try climb quietly out from between the sheets.

She barely stands before Alex reaches out and grabs her forearm, Maggie closing her eyes and hanging her head as she avoids looking at her.

Alex lets her go hesitantly, shuffling across the bed to be closer but making sure not to touch Maggie as she sits back down on the edge of the bed.

The silence stretches out for a while, Maggie unsure what to really say.

“Do you want me to go?” Alex asks quietly, like she’s afraid to startle Maggie...or afraid of what she might say.

“I don’t know.” Maggie admits. “I mean... what are we doing?” She questions, finally turning back to look at Alex as the agent sits ups in the bed.

“That’s not really up to me.” Alex whispers, twisting the edge of the sheet between her fingers. 

“What does that mean?” Maggie pushes. “What do you want me to do?” She asks, the question lingering.

Alex shrugs, looking away from the tense look Maggie can feel on her face.

“You need to say something Alex.” Maggie insists. “Because you’re telling me I’m not enough one second and asking for another chance the next. And I can’t keep holding onto whatever this is.” She reasons, motioning between them. 

“I never meant to hurt you.” Alex offers quietly, her voice shaking.

“What did you mean then?” Maggie questions slowly.

Alex braces her head in her hands, fingers digging into her hair with the question.

Maggie can see the conflict going on inside of her, sees Alex’s hands shake as her eyes clench shut.

It reminds her of the nights they spent awake beside each other, hours of fighting leaving them exhausted but too broken to sleep. 

Maggie remembers wanting nothing more than to reach out and hold Alex close, tell her that it would be okay. That they would be okay. 

She didn’t do it then, her fears getting the best of her. But it hadn’t mattered, she lost Alex anyway. 

So she has nothing holding her back from doing it now, her heart aching to ease the pain Alex is in despite everything that’s happened. 

Maggie reaches out, her hand finding Alex’s jaw and pulling the agent’s eyes up to meet her own.

“I'm sorry I can’t give enough.” Maggie whispers brokenly.

Alex leans into her touch, shaking her head softly as she reaches up to hold Maggie’s hand against her face.

“Maggie...please." She tries, fighting off tears that build in her eyes. “Don’t do this.”

“I don’t have a choice Alex.” Maggie forces out. “I love you but I can’t-"

“Why can’t that just be the end of it?” Alex cuts in brokenly. “You love me. And I love you.”

“Because sometimes it isn’t enough.” Maggie reasons, pulling her hand away from Alex’s face and clenching it in the sheets. “It wasn’t enough.”

“I don’t believe that.” Alex chokes out, wiping at her face messily. “We were messy and imperfect, but it was always enough to come home to you.”

Maggie swallows thickly, shaking her head and closing her eyes to try ignore the plea in Alex’s voice.

“No. It wasn’t.” She reasons painfully. “It was safe. That’s why you’re here now, because it's what you know and what you're comfortable with.”

“Safe?” Alex questions a little angrily. “Loving you was a lot of things Maggie, but safe was never one of them.” She grits out. “Saying goodbye and not knowing if it was the last time I would see you isn’t safe. Hearing a call go out on the comms and not hearing from you after shots are fired isn’t safe. Going out there and knowing I would choose you over anything my job put in front of me isn’t safe.”

“All the more reason, I make you weak.” Maggie explains, trying not to let the ache in her chest from Alex’s words affect her voice.

“No.” Alex insists. “You make me stronger. I fight harder because I know it’s you I’m fighting for.”

Maggie takes in what Alex is saying, her heart thumping heavily in her chest.

“Then why did you give up?” She asks, forcing her eyes to meet Alex’s with the question. 

Because really that’s what it is, the fact that both of them would do anything for the other and yet Alex had somehow given up on her.

“Because I...” Alex trails off, thinking from the look in her eyes. “I had this crazy dream that we could be different. That we could really be safe.” She explains quietly. “I wanted us to have the fenced off yard with kids and a dog, a terrible looking people mover in the driveway.”

Maggie clenches her jaw at the small smile that takes over Alex face with the thoughts in her head as she continues.

“I wanted to give you more than this.” She motions out the window. “More than the life I could give you by being an agent or having Supergirl as my sister. I wanted you to have the family house that gets too loud on the weekends and the stolen movie nights amongst crazy days at work.” Alex laughs wetly, wiping at her eyes again. “I wanted the biggest question of each day to be ‘who would read the kids a bedtime story’ instead of ‘will we both make it home tonight.’”

It’s clearly hard for Alex to explain, her eyes worrying with each word like they don’t make sense as her voice sounds out each one. 

“I got lost in it.” Alex eventually shrugs dejectedly. “I got caught in the idea and I... I forgot what...who I...” She struggles, her gaze cowering from Maggie’s as her words die off in the dark room.

Maggie has to look away at the admission, her heart breaking all over again with the reminder of everything she lost, everything she swore she would never have. At first it had been out of fear, the possibility of becoming anything like her parents driving the idea of a life like that far away. 

But when it came to Alex... well Maggie has to admit she wasn't scared. She knew her and Alex would be good parents, that they wouldn’t repeat the mistakes of her past. But it would mean ignoring the one glaring fact of their lives. And it’s one that did scare her.

“Could you give it all up?” Maggie asks slowly. “Could you take that step away from everything, from Kara?”

Alex chokes on the words she tries to get out, looking away from Maggie until she can control the tears on her cheeks. But when she finally turns back, there’s a look on her face Maggie can’t really place.

“I didn’t think that far.” Alex admits shakily. “I just saw us and what we could be. And when it wasn’t you....I didn’t want it.” She explains sadly.

“Want what?” Maggie urges, needing to hear Alex actually say the words she thinks the agent is saying.

“Anything.” Alex mumbles, pulling her knees up to her chest. “It’s not something interchangeable... you're not someone that I can find in anyone else.”

“Ale-" Maggie tries.

“I know I hurt you.” Alex cuts in quietly. “But trying to live my life without you, forcing everything down and acting like I’m fine.. telling myself I’m fine... If you felt what I feel after losing you... god Maggie, you would never doubt how much I love you if you could feel this.” She reasons brokenly, raising a shaking hand to her chest.

Maggie closes her eyes, trying not the let her breathing shake as her hands clench into the sheets.

“If you felt what I did closing that door behind me, then you would understand why I can’t do this.” Maggie murmurs, ignoring the way hearing Alex say she loves her is making her heart skip a beat. “I loved you too Alex. I understand.”

“I know... I didn’t mean it like that.” Alex whispers. “It’s just hard to remember how we were, to still feel the way I feel and face all of this now.”

“Honestly... I don’t regret that. I don’t regret the past we had together.” Maggie admits softly. “I regret the future we’ve lost and the things we can never change.”

Alex pulls in a breath, nodding to herself as she forces the sobs that rise from her chest to catch in her throat.

“You’re not going to give me another chance, are you?” She breaths out heavily, her eyes flooded and heavy with the look behind them.

“I don’t know.” Maggie whispers. “But you were in someone else’s bed last night and now you’re here. And I can’t feel the things I feel around you and keep telling myself that it’s wrong.”

“What does that mean?” Alex questions shakily. 

Maggie sighs, wiping at her face to try keep steady.

“It means time.” She concludes. “I need time. So do you.”

Alex clenches her jaw, nodding at the words and wringing her hands into the sheets as she thinks. Eventually she lets them go, tapping the bed lightly.

“Give me tonight.” She whispers. “Please? And in the morning I'll go. Promise.”

Maggie can’t help but look back at her softly, the tone in Alex’s voice so comforting and familiar that Maggie let’s herself fall back into the pillows. She doesn’t resist as Alex pulls her in, her arms familiarly steady around Maggie’s waist.

There’s something peaceful about resting her head on Alex’s shoulder, Maggie allowing herself the comfort of letting her forehead rest against Alex’s neck as the agent’s breathing fills her ears softly.

But Alex’s voice soon replaces the calm silence in the room as Maggie starts drifting back to sleep.

“I'll wait.” Alex whispers. “Until the end, I'll wait for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... still a bit more on this before the timeline catches up to the start of crisis...and then after that I'll try get something together that works with the outcome of that😅😅


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one sorry.. the next one will be up soon though..ish..just gotta edit it and make sure it fits in with where I want to take the story afterwards 🤗  
> Anyway y'all know the drill, lemme know if anything needs fixing and hope ya enjoy 👍

She understands now, standing at the door as Maggie sleeps restlessly across the room, Alex understands what it must have felt like to not have a choice. 

Her heart wants nothing more than to collapse here on the floor and beg to stay, but Alex knows she has to go. She made a promise.

All she can think about is how she broke the last promise she made to Maggie, one that she truly did mean. Because despite everything, she really does want Maggie to be happy, knows that she deserves to be.

But falling back into the fears she had before knowing the detective had ultimately proven to be far easier than Alex wants to admit. She never thought the one thing she couldn't protect Maggie from would be herself. With everything they faced together, it was Alex who had really been the threat all along. Not that Maggie would ever let her believe it.

So it's no surprise Alex can't help but seek out the irony that she cant break this promise... how not breaking it serves as a tool to show her what Maggie felt, how she made Maggie feel. 

Truthfully, karma is a bitter friend that Alex has grown dangerously fond of despite everyone's best intentions. Because no matter how many assurances Kara offers, no matter how many hugs Jonn gives, it all just comes back to this... to the way Alex can't keep her actions from pushing her life over the edge.

And so time... well Alex hopes that it will give her what she needs. She hopes it'll bring clarity and purpose. Alex hopes it'll help her be strong enough for Maggie, that it'll give her the strength to face things again and make the right choices. 

But most of all, Alex prays that it will let Maggie heal, that the detective will know that no matter what choice she makes that it will be right.

Maggie had given her more than Alex thinks she deserved last night, pieces of it still flashing through her mind. And if she’s honest, a small part of her wishes Maggie had just left her outside, Alex sure it would hurt less than opening the door as she does right now.

But the steel handle is cold beneath her fingers, Alex clenching her jaw as the tears begin to fall silently down her cheeks. She forces herself to take one step outside, then another. 

She thinks the hardest part is over, but looking back is what rips her heart from her chest and throws it at her feet. 

Alex argues with herself again, trying to convince her head that staying until Maggie is awake would be alright. That somehow those few extra moments with her would make this bearable. But it won’t.

Hearing Maggie’s voice say she has to go again could only make it harder.

Bracing her forehead on the door, Alex grips the handle between her fingers and watches Maggie as she slowly forces the space to close.

It inches shut, one small movement at a time as Alex holds her breath. A part of her is trying to wait, hoping Maggie will stir in the sheets that don’t move inside the apartment. 

But nothing moves, the place peaceful in contrast to the way Alex’s chest stalls and shudders when the door finally clicks shut.

She cries as her forehead falls against the door, her hands bracing shakily on the frame as Alex asks herself if this will ever stop hurting.

But the truth is she loves Maggie, so Alex knows it won’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promise it'll be soon for the next one ✌


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one for a lil while, while I figure out post crisis, but rest assured its not done.  
> Anyway y'all know the drill ✌😄

6 months later

“Are you ready for this?” Kate questions, fixing her mask heavily and weighing her wig in her hands.

Ultimately she throws it aside as the cargo helicopter jolts, landing heavily on the roof. She runs a hand through her short hair, pushing it back tensely.

Maggie feels a little underdressed in her jacket and jeans next to the suited vigilante, but apparently Bruce had packed a few suits somewhere in the cases strewn about the cargo area so hers must be somewhere.

“It’s literally the end of the world.” Maggie reasons. “I don’t think it matters if we’re ready or not.” She reaches for the door control to open the back of the chopper, Kate grabbing her arm before she can hit the button.

“Not for that.” Kate pushes, holding Maggie back for a moment. “This isn’t exactly a great reunion.”

Maggie sighs, pulling her arm back a little defensively.

“It’s not how I would have liked it to go.” She admits. “But it is what it is.”

“You can’t let this get in the way.” Kate urges, levelling a strong look at Maggie as she reaches for the door control. “We need to be on the same page.”

“Alex and I always worked well together. It’ll be fine... at least on that front. I trust her.” Maggie reasons slowly, narrowing her eyes as the door begins to drop open and the sunlight blares through.

It takes a moment to adjust, but eventually the light clears enough to let the DEO landing pad come into view.

Alex isn’t there. Maggie doesn’t know if that bothers her or if she’s grateful.

Since her last night in National City a few months ago, things have been...okay. Maggie doesn’t know how else to think of it.

They’ve talked, never for too long and never about anything too substantial. But always with the feeling of more beneath the surface. They haven’t seen each other.

Waking up that morning with Alex gone and her side of the bed made up messily, Maggie hasn’t figured out how to balance the way her heart regrets not asking her to stay and how her head argues that she did the right thing.

But she’s here now, Kara and Lena shifting their weight a little tensely as her and Kate step off the chopper.

“Hi Kara, Ms Luthor.” Kate offers, extending a hand as Lena clearly takes in the batsuit and makes mental notes.

“Lena, please.” The CEO insists. “Is that a polymer?” She questions, tapping at the suit on Kate’s arm.

“Yeah. Carbon something.” Kate shrugs. “Alfred has the specs.”

Lena nods as Kara smiles nervously.

“Thanks for coming.” The hero eventually gets out, motioning to the door off the roof.

“Hey, it’s our world too.” Kate offers, striding alongside the hero as they head inside.

Lena follows behind with Maggie, both content with the silence between them as Kate and Kara talk down the stairwells and passages until they reach the control room. 

The balcony does little to let fresh air into the room as agents rush around and call out to each other, so Maggie finds herself lingering on the stairs near there to stay out of the way.

She looks around, realizing she’s searching for Alex when her heart stalls at her inability to spot the agent in the crowd.

But it doesn’t last long, a familiar voice echoing from upstairs before Alex marches out of her lab. Her suit is bigger, Maggie noting the heavy steel armour that’s been added as the agent lists off orders to a doctor as they hurry down the stairs distractedly.

It’s only when they reach the bottom of the stairs and she turns in her direction that Alex sees her. It’s a mess of tripped steps and flustered waving off to the doctor as Alex regains her posture and shuffles over to Maggie with her gaze set firmly on the floor.

“Hi.” She offers. It’s quiet compared to the noise of the room.

“Hey Danvers.” Maggie returns, not fighting the easy smile that forms on her face. “You doing alright?”

“Yeah, good.” Alex shrugs. “Well I mean... relatively speaking given that the universe is being destroyed as we speak.” 

“I heard something about that.” Maggie attempts as a half hearted joke. “What kinda trouble have we gotten ourselves into this time?”

Alex smiles weakly, running a hand through her hair as she motions outside to the balcony. 

“The kind I don’t know how to get out of.” Alex admits heavily, leaning on the railing and looking out across the city.

Maggie leans down beside her, breathing a sigh of relief when Alex doesn’t flinch as their shoulders touch. Actually she leans into it, her weight resting comfortably against Maggie as they listen to all the lives going on outside.

Stealing a glance at her, Maggie holds her breath as she lets herself take in the details she’s missed all this time. From the way Alex’s hair has grown out a little longer, to the small lines by her eyes, Maggie quietly maps it all out in her head like she’s rebuilding the picture she has stored there to match. But it falters and Maggie has to look back down to the city streets when she finds a scar stretching along the side of Alex’s neck, the mark half hidden by the agent’s new suit.

“What happened?” Maggie asks quietly, her hands wringing together as she glances back at the scar and up into Alex’s eyes to let on what she means.

Alex shrugs a little, hunching her shoulders slightly so the suit collar moves up her neck to hide the mark fully as she traces patterns across her own palm.

“Mission went sideways.” She offers quietly, the even and factual tone of it putting Maggie a little on edge. “I lost focus, just for a second, but it was enough so... anyway it’s done now.”

The dismissal makes Maggie’s hands clench, her hands shaking a little at the pressure that builds in her veins as her heart seizes with the information.

“You could have told me.” Maggie forces out gently. “I would have come back.”

Alex sighs, nodding to herself and moving her hand to rest slightly against Maggie’s to get them to relax.

“I know.” The agent concedes. “That’s why I couldn’t.”

The familiar reasoning that Maggie remembers saying herself does little to quell the ache in her chest.

“It’s not the same.” Maggie mumbles. “You could have died, that doesn't look like nothing.”

“That could happen anytime, anywhere.” Alex pushes back. “I don’t want anything to be an excuse, or to influence your choices. It isn’t fair.”

Maggie shakes her head, angry that the look in Alex’s eyes lets on that nothing she says will change her mind. And it’s not that Maggie had expected to know everything that happened after she left, but this... Maggie is hurt by the fact that it had come between them this way. 

She hates that she didn’t get to see that wound heal like so many others she has with Alex, she hates that even now the thought of something happening to the woman beside her makes everything feel like it’s caving in.

“I wanted this to be different.” Alex whispers after a while. “I missed you.”

“Me too.” Maggie agrees, letting her arm fall behind Alex to wrap around her waist comfortingly. “I'm sorry I didn’t come back sooner.”

“I'm sorry this forced you to come back before you were ready.” Alex argues gently.

Maggie swallows thickly. She knows what their chances are of winning this thing... knows the chances of them both surviving is even less than that. But the words still get stuck in her throat.

It makes her angry, the way her fear holds her back. And she isn’t sure if it’s her fear of what she’s feeling for Alex or the impending crisis crashing down on them. 

But she knows she only has the power to overcome one in this moment.

“I was ready a long time ago.” Maggie murmurs, turning to Alex and reaching up to hold her jaw with both hands. “I needed to be sure. But I still feel the same.”

“Yeah?” Alex questions shakily, dropping her forehead down to Maggie’s gently. “Cause I'll do everything I can to stop the world from ending if you need more time.” She laughs shortly, Maggie shaking her head with a soft smile at the attempt to break the tension.

“I don’t doubt we can beat this... somehow. ” Maggie reasons. “But just in case we don’t have that much time, I don’t want to waste any more. I don’t need anymore. Time just proves everything my heart is saying.” She resolves. “I miss home... I wanna come home.”

Tears escape down Alex’s cheeks and Maggie does her best to wipe them away, knowing Alex hates people seeing her like this at work. And especially when people need her to be strong.

“Hey, look at me. I mean it.” Maggie urges, holding Alex’s eyes to her own. “I love you, with everything I am, I love y-"

Maggie’s words cut off as Alex leans in, her lips meeting Maggie’s with both a shock and familiarity that has her head spinning for a moment before she can pull Alex closer and kiss her back.

It’s half desperate and half cautious, like they’re still afraid the wrong move will ruin everything. But it could never be wrong, Maggie is sure of that as her heart seems to go silent for the first time in years just to let her focus on being with Alex.

And it’s all Maggie wants to do, even when they have to break apart slightly to breath.

“What if we don’t make it?” Alex cries, her hands shaking where they cling to Maggie’s jacket.

“We will.” Maggie assures, the words instinctive. 

“You don’t know that.” Alex sobs, collapsing into Maggie’s shoulder and holding her close. “I love you Maggie, I can’t lose you again.”

Maggie can’t help the tears that run down her face and catch on her jaw as she closes her eyes to try and keep it together.

“I know.” She admits. “But we’re here.”

“And we’re stronger together.” Kara offers, stepping up to the balcony silently.

Winn, Jonn and Lena shuffle up behind her as Kate leans on the balcony entrance.

“We can do this.” Kara continues. “We have to.”

Alex nods against Maggie’s shoulder, pulling back to wipe at her eyes as she reaches for Kara’s hand.

Maggie can’t help but feel that for the first time in so long that she has it all back. 

And she knows they’ll fight with everything they have to keep it. She knows it might not work, that this could be it. It feels like they're finding forever at the wrong time.

But if it has to end, so long as Alex’s hand is in her own and her heart beats in confidence with the love she isn’t scared to give, Maggie would choose to be here over anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I say..just gonna be figuring out the post crisis plot and then this will be back! Lemme know what ya thought or have a rant 🤷♀️😅 And thank you for reading! 🤗


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayyy so I finally have some stuff written for this and to get the ball rolling..how about some crisis angst?😅  
> To be honest, I haven't watched it for obvious reasons but this isn't exactly 100% canon so... I took a few things.. added a few things..y'all know how it goes 😆  
> Shoutout to AlmostAsGoodAs_I_do for giving me some pointers🙌  
> Anyways, hope ya enjoy! 🤗

Maggie paces behind Alex and Lena as they lean over the lab bench, the pair practically glaring at whatever equipment is sprawled across the surface. She’s pretty sure the pair think they can make a weapon of some sort, but it isn’t exactly her area of expertise.

They managed to get through to Earth One, but Maggie can tell the women in front of her are feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of what to do next.

“Kara and the others will figure it out.” She reasons.

“I don’t even know what we’re going to do to get out of this.” Lena shoots back. “And the Paragons or whatever the hell they want to call themselves, can put their bet on beating the Anti-Monitor on their own all they want. I’m putting mine on science.”

Maggie sighs, knowing that accepting that all they can do is nothing is...well it goes against everything they stand for at heart.

“Look...technically isn’t Kara like a Kryptonian genius or something? She isn’t just some sledgehammer.” She points out, not missing the way Alex bites her cheek as she speaks. “This isn’t about science or powers or Paragons... this about trust.”

“Well I’m a little short on that these days.” Lena quips half heartedly. 

“And yet you’re here.” Maggie points out. “You could have given up long before this, when you found out about Kara. But you didn’t.” She reasons, sighing when she looks to Alex and the agent just nudges her head in encouragement.

To be fair, Maggie has noticed the glass the hero and CEO have been walking on around each other. And once she’d put the pieces together as to why... well Maggie guesses she understands Lena’s side more than anything else. She understands being lied to, being left out. 

But she also understands the fear of letting the truth out, the thought that it could destroy everything. And the last thing she wants is to try and get between Lena and Kara. But they’re young. And honestly Maggie can see them walking in different directions, getting themselves lost when the thing they’re really looking for is each other.

And the truth is, with this anti matter wave probably lurking fractions away, Maggie doesn’t want the last thing Lena thinks is that all hope is gone.

“You don’t have to trust Kara, you just have to know that she’ll do everything she can.” Maggie explains gently. “She’ll go through universes for you Lena. And you would for her. It’s okay to love someone...even if you don’t trust them. The trust will come, with time. And that’s exactly what Kara is gonna fight for.”

The CEO swallows heavily, avoiding the look Maggie can feel on her face. Alex does the same. Eventually Lena just shakes her head, slipping off her seat and stalking away as she leaves the equipment where it lies.

“You know she's right, there's a chance we don’t get out of this.” Alex reasons once Lena is gone, the agent thankfully deciding to voice her opinion now that the young Luthor is out of earshot.

“I knew that before we started on this mission Danvers.” Maggie shrugs. “But I’m with you either way so... I guess a girl can’t complain.” She tries to joke, the attempt to take the edge off the reality of it doing little besides pulling a faint smile to Alex’s lips for the briefest of moments.

Maggie shuffles over to her, Alex having taken to tapping her foot slowly as her left hand reaches out to push bolts and screws around. Her eyes watch the little metal parts moving, anything to avoid looking at Maggie as she sits down beside her. 

“Is that where we are right now?” Alex questions quietly. 

“Where?” Maggie sighs, reaching out to stop Alex’s hand from sifting through the parts before them. The agent just stops, her fingers resting below Maggie’s idly. “Danvers?”

It seems like it takes Alex a second or two to find the willpower to actually look up at her, but Maggie is the one who wants to look away with the sheer vulnerability that reflects in Alex’s eyes.

Not because it hurts or because it reminds her of the past, it does of course, but this is different. Because Maggie is terrified that she won’t have the answers to the questions she can see Alex has in her heart.

“Do you love me... but not trust me?” Alex clarifies quietly. 

Maggie pulls in a heavy breath, taking Alex’s hand from the table and resting it in her lap. She knows Alex gets frustrated when she’s quiet in these moments, but honestly Maggie just has to think for a second.

And despite the tension seeming to grow, Alex doesn’t say anything as Maggie takes to tracing the lines across the agent’s palm, following them along her fingers until she reaches the place she used to dream a wedding band would sit.

It echoes in her heart that memory, like something she once had that could never be lived up to again. And although the truth of that makes her heart clench and wreck itself in denial, Maggie knows the answer to Alex’s question.

“I trust you with my life, Alex.” She reasons slowly. “Always have.”

Alex just nods, but her eyes look between Maggie’s and their hands for a moment before she shifts uncomfortably, clearly trying to keep her composure.

“And your heart?” she forces out painfully, clenching her jaw as a few tears escape down her cheeks. “Do you trust me with that?” Alex questions, staring so fiercely back at Maggie that she’s almost scared to say the words.

It’s been years that have felt like lifetimes, finding Alex and losing her, loving her and trying not to. It’s been the greatest moments of Maggie’s life and the darkest as well. And she’s still fighting to find the middle ground in it all. And if she’s honest, she knows she probably wont find it. 

Because there is no between the lines or shades of grey when it comes to loving this woman in front of her. It will always be exactly what it was from the first time Maggie realized this feeling in her chest. She will always love Alex.

“I love you.” Maggie whispers, reaching for Alex’s jaw as she shakes her head and pulling their foreheads together. “I do. Always.”

“Your heart?” Alex repeats quietly, the trembling in her voice undercutting the restraint Maggie can feel in the agent’s hands as they clench into the front of her shirt. “Tell me you know I could never hurt you again. Do you trust me?”

And she wants to lie, wants to say what she knows Alex wants...god it’s what Maggie wants to. And this could be it, this could be the last time she could ever say it. 

But she can’t. She isn’t ready.

“I don’t know Al-"

She feels nothing as the wave finally hits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More coming soon! 👌😄


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. obviously this picks up after crisis👌😅  
> Y'all know the drill, hope ya enjoyyy 🤗

Alex hums as she closes the door to Kara’s apartment, dropping breakfast on the table as she notices her sister passed out on the couch.

“Hey Kar-"

She doesn’t get to finish before having to dodge the heat rays that blast from Kara’s eyes, the agent staring in shock as the kitchen cabinets all but explode as the rays hit them instead.

To say Alex is worried about Kara in that exact moment would be an understatement.

After all it’s not everyday the hero wakes up shooting heat rays out of pure instinct. She hasn’t done it since they were kids if Alex really thinks about it.

But Kara is apologizing as she scrambles up from the couch, Alex incredibly aware of the wide expression on her own face as she looks at the seared marks across half of Kara’s kitchen.

“Its okay.” Alex rushes out, shuffling towards Kara with her hands out. “I'm okay...are you okay?” 

“Yeah I just...” Kara starts, sinking back into the couch like she hasn’t rested in days. 

“Bad dream?” Alex questions, sitting down cautiously.

“The worst...god Alex you were...and Lena..Lex.” She rambles, sounding more confused than much else.

Alex nods, knowing Kara hasn’t been able to be with Lena much lately with Luthor Corp being insanely busy with it’s new campaign.

“Well you're not gonna miss the ceremony are you?” Alex questions. “Cause you're going to be late and last you said you need a good story to keep your new boss happy.”

“Uh..yeah..ceremony..yeah.” Kara shakes her head. “I'll get ready.”

“Good.” Alex smiles reassuringly. “And we can catch up tonight, Kelly wants to try some vegan pizza thing.”

“What?” Kara questions, narrowing her eyes in confusion.

“I know I know, listen I promised to try it and s-"

“Not the pizza...” Kara cuts in, looking at Alex with concern and worry etched into her eyes. “What about Maggie?”

“Who?” Alex questions, suddenly worried that Kara has had more than a bad dream. 

“She’s...” Kara fades off, obviously thinking intensely as her face crinkles. “um...No one..sorry.”

“Okay...” Alex concedes warily. “Seriously though, are you okay?”

“Yes.” Kara assures quickly. “And you're right, I'm gonna be late.”

Alex hums as Kara jumps up to get ready, watching as her sister moves about. 

Something about it is strange, from the way Kara can’t seem to place small things. The hero practically trips over herself at the sight of her suit inside its glass case or the DEO weapons lining the wall just outside her bedroom.

But she just shakes it off, shuffling to her closet quietly.

Alex is about to question the behaviour when her phone rings, her boss’s name across the screen.

“Hi Mr Luthor.” She answers evenly. 

“Director Danvers.” He responds, the sound of an easy smile in his voice. “Sorry to call on your day off, but we have a situation and I’m tied up with this Peace Prize business.”

“No problem sir, I'll head to the office and check it out.” Alex reasons, confident she’ll still be home in time for dinner.

“Thanks Alex. Be safe.” Lex urges.

“Always, Sir.” Alex assures, hanging up once the line goes dead and shoving her phone back into her pocket.

“Hey Kara, I have to go!” She calls out. “I'll see you later!”

“Okay!” Kara calls back, Alex chuckling at the dismissive wave her sister offers as she heads out the door.

She isn’t sure what could be so serious that Lex is calling her in, but if Hank can’t handle it alone then it’s got to be an interesting situation.

“I better get this day back on my leave allowance.” Alex mutters, tapping her foot as she waits for the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More coming soon 😁  
> Any guesses on where/what our favourite detective is up to?🤔😄


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...so reminder that this is Earth Prime or whatever canon is calling the one earth every universe has blended into, obviously this is following canon at the moment but it starts breaking away in the next chapter.  
> So the basics: New Earth, Sanvers don't remember each other on this Earth anddd that will be fixed soon 😅  
> Anyways, y'all know the drill🤗

Kara frowns as the line into the presentation hall shuffles forward, everyone jostling and chatting. It all sort of blurs together like white noise as she tries to get her head on straight. 

She knows she’s supposed to be here, feels it more than anything else really. Like a plan she’s had on her calendar for weeks. But she’s struggling to remember the details.

“You good?” Nia questions, urging Kara forward and motioning at their badges as the security guard lets them through.

“Yeah.” Kara shakes her head, glad that the mass of people thins out in the lobby as people move about. 

“I still can’t believe we get to be here!” Nia exclaims excitedly, Kara smiling tightly to try and match her enthusiasm.

But it’s hard to maintain when everyone starts moving again as the doors to the presentation hall open.

If Kara uses a little super strength to push past a few other reporters, she doesn’t let it bother her all that much given how excited Nia is when they finally find some seats at the front of the top level.

It takes a few minutes, Kara tapping her pen against her notepad aimlessly as she tries to piece together what they're here for.

But when the mayor finally comes up and starts talking, Kara wants it all not to be real.

She barely hears the congratulations the mayor offers to Lex as he steps up to the podium amongst thunderous applause, her eyes darting back and forth between the noble peace prize in his hands and the smirk on his face as he stares directly back at her.

“What?” Kara breathes out in disbelief. 

“I know right?” Nia voices as she continues clapping. “It’s so great to see this go to someone who actually deserves it.”

Kara flinches as her pen snaps between her fingers, her jaw clenching as she tries to keep herself in control at the look on Lex’s face.

“Thank you, everyone.” He smiles out. “I honestly have to say, this moment is...completely unbelievable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always lemme know what ya thought, and given that even I'm confused by canon, if ya have any questions about 👆 lemme know 😅


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayyy so another update 😅  
> Quick recap for anyone who hasn't seen a few canon spoilers:  
> All versions of earth have merged together into Earth Prime after the Crisis event. Apparently only the paragons remember their memories (ie Jonn and Kara for earth 38). So obviously, for plot reasons I figured if Alex doesn't remember her earth 38 memories then neither does Maggie. But don't worry that will be sorted out soon.  
> As it stands the DEO currently works for Lex Luthor (in what capacity I'm not sure, I'm not gonna watch the show to figure it out so I made up my own🤷♀️😅)  
> So thats all the background info andddd yeah.. hopefully from here getting things back on track ahould be fun 😅  
> Anyways hope y'all are enjoying quarantines, lockdowns etc. As much as possible at least😬

Alex taps her fingers across the control console as she waits for Winn to start the briefing. 

Hank is nowhere to be seen and the missing Martian has her on edge for a reason she can’t quite place. But there isn’t much time to dwell on it as her team all shift in anticipation, their gear and weapons jostling a little as Winn taps on his tablet.

“Right, so as you know Mr Luthors initiative to help get the national alien registry up and running has had a few problems with the renegade factions of the Representative Parties.” Winn explains, images of Lex and the president signing the initiative moving across the digital briefing table.

Alex nods, knowing that quite a few alien groups have gathered in National City in an attempt to hide behind Supergirl as they try take down Lex's proposal. If she’s honest, Alex struggles to understand why considering the point of the register is try and keep the alien community safe and connected. It’ll also make it easier to make sure none of them are at risk in dangerous areas... or pose a threat themselves. Hell, Kara was the first to be registered when the programme first launched.

“Have you managed to track something down?” Alex questions.

“Not something.” Winn clarifies. “Someone.”

He swipes on his screen and a fairly dismissible alien with faint blue skin comes up.

“This is Brian, he was tagged at a protest in Metropolis a few weeks back and we finally got a signal on him, here.” Winn points out as a map of National City moves across the table top screen, zooming into a section downtown.

“Isn’t this just an abandoned industrial zone from the fossil fuel days?” An agent beside Alex questions, Winn nodding with a knowing smile on his face.  
Alex smiles back, knowing exactly what he’s thinking.

“It’s a great place to hideout.” She confirms. “Fast ways out via the docks and the highway.”

“You bet.” He grins. “Not to mention I managed to track a burner cell with Mr Luthor’s voice tracking software and that exact phone signal with Brian's voice has been picked up by the towers in the area repeatedly this past week. We've intercepted texts and calls, we think they’re active in the area.”

Alex grimaces a little at the mention of the voice tracking software, the development not one of the things she was really behind. It allowed them to track anyone on any device capable of hearing their voice, even without a wire tap. Somehow Lex had managed to get approval that allowed him past the privacy laws so long as it was deemed for the safety and security of citizens.

But even though it’s clearly helped this time, well Alex just can’t shake the feeling that it’s a bit extreme.

She ignores it though, Winn looking proud of his work as he shuts his tablet and fakes a bow.

Alex rolls her eyes affectionately, taking one last look at the map.

“Let’s go get him.” She orders, her team moving out towards the elevators at the command.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what ya thought 😁 ya can catch me here or on Twitter 👌  
> Keep safe 🤗


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii🤗  
> Another update for this one, y'all know the drill 😄  
> Hope everyone is doing alright with the quarantine and that this is at least a couple minutes of entertainment 😅

Maggie sighs as she parks her car, cursing the terrible handbrake and wishing not for the first time that she could have brought her squad car. But having a captains vehicle out here would raise too many questions.

The industrial zone doesn’t see many visitors these days, save for those Maggie makes sure find their way there when needed.

It’s been mostly outcasts, aliens and humans alike who are moving against the new registry act. Maggie supposes she fits right in.

Although her role has had to be discreet for years now, her position as Captain to valuable both to the people she helps and to herself. If anything it’s the only reason National City has managed to keep so many of its alien residents safe from persecution since the act came into effect, the singling out of those with abilities and differences made all too easy for the people who take it as an opportunity to assert themselves.

Maggie hates it. 

And so she stows her badge in the glove box, tightening her holster at her hip as she gets out of the car and pulls at her leather jacket to cover her sidearm.

She trudges down a beaten alleyway, her eyes scanning the edges carefully until she reaches a heavy steel door.

Knocking twice with a pause, Maggie smirks when one knock sounds back.

“Dollywood.” She responds, the code word earning her a heavy steel groan as the door creeps open.

The old bar has character to it, the old lights sort of fuzzy from running off the generator out back and the walls clung to by fading pictures and booth seats.

“Maggie!” A voice exclaims excitedly, the sound accompanied by a familiar smile.

“Hey Brian.” Maggie smiles out, patting the young alien on the shoulder as she passes by to get to the bar. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah of course, thanks to you.” He reasons, the grateful tone clearly evident.

“Thanks to everyone here.” Maggie corrects gently. “This is your place, I just visit and check the locks now and then.” She jokes.  
Brian shakes his head, knowing she would never take credit for what the small community had built here.

Maggie helps out where she can, but honestly, she sees everything some of these people have been through and it helps her keep her own life in perspective.

That thought in and of itself makes her head ache a little.

“Can I please get a scotch, neat.” She sighs, slumping into a barstool and spinning the peanut bowl on the wooden bar top.

“Tough day?” The blond bartender questions, her smile easy in a way Maggie thinks she would get hung up on it if the world were a little different and the possibility of two such different people making something from this interaction was feasible. Her and Darla play this game every time she’s here to be fair though. 

But she can barely handle dating humans, let alone deal with the pressure of the mayor finding out she was with an alien.

So Maggie is careful not to smile back too brightly as she shrugs in response, not wanting to lead this any further into discussion.

“Everyday is a rough day for people around these parts.” A voice speaks up, the evident frustration in the tone making Maggie wince.

“M'gann.” She offers, turning to face the bar owner as Darla gets intentionally distracted making up drinks.

“You shouldn’t be here Sawyer.” M'gann levels, her folded arms tense and staunch with her posture. 

“I'm only checking in.” Maggie assures. “Besides, this is the only bar a police captain can drink in without getting judged.”

“Oh you’re getting judged, just not for the usual stuff.” M'gann quips, sighing as she shuffles into the seat beside her. “Seriously, this is dangerous for you. And I appreciate that you helped get us up and running but-"

“I don’t just run away when things get dangerous M'gann, you should know that by now.” Maggie reasons, letting the fact hang heavily as her drink finally slides across the bar top into her hands. 

“This isn’t even your fight.” The Martian presses, grabbing the glass from Maggie’s hands in an attempt to get her to focus on the point.

Maggie just sighs, shaking her head as she looks back at the woman in front of her. She can see the fear there, can sense that she’s worried for everyone here. And Maggie knows they aren’t all that different there.

“It’s the right thing, if I don’t fight for that then what do I fight for?” Maggie reasons, patting M'gann on the shoulder as she steals her drink back.

“You're gonna get yourself killed.” The bar owner mutters, shaking her head as she slips away and disappears into the office out back.

Maggie hums to herself, sipping her drink slowly as she twists the glass between her fingers.

“All gotta die for something.” She mumbles, tossing her drink back and motioning for Darla to come back. 

“What next?” The bartender asks flirtatiously.

Unable to resist the relaxed smile that settles on her face, Maggie nudges her head across at the pool table.

“Do you play?”

...

Kara bursts through her apartment door, tugging her glasses off as it slams shut. She can hear her heart racing at the thought of Lex being on stage, his smile tugging at her until she braces her hands on her countertop.

The marble cracks at the pressure as memories flash behind her eyes...crisis... Lex and Lena... Barry and Kate... Alex and...

Her eyes snap open, Kara scrambling to find her phone and get Winn’s number ringing.

“Hey Kara, what’s up?” He answers, clearly his usual happy self.

“I need you to find Alex.” She rushes out, already tugging at her shirt to reveal her suit.

“She’s out by the docks, we got a lead on one of those alien groups Mr Luthor has been tracking.” Winn offers calmly. “She’ll be getting ready to take them down by now.”

“Winn, I need you to get her to stand down!” Kara all but yells, panicking as she tries to make sense of all the memories that are flooding her senses.

She remembers the anti matter wave, remembers the vanishing point. She remembers it all. And somehow she’s made it though to the other side and Lex is all but running the city.

“They’ve gone radio silent to breach.” Winn reasons, the sound of his keyboard tapping making Kara flinch a little. “Can you get over there?”

“Already on my way.” She replies, running for her balcony and pushing off with al her strength.

The faint sound of the balcony cracking echoes in her ears but it barely registers past the wind and the sound of her cape billowing behind her as she speeds towards the docks at the end of the city.

It only takes a few moments for the abandoned containers and warehouses to come into view, Kara hovering in the centre of the industrial zone and closing her eyes to listen.

She can hear gunfire, yelling and screaming. But she can pick up the distinctive sound of Alex’s heartbeat, can hear her sister fighting hard against someone as her tactical gear shifts and clatters with every punch Kara can hear landing.

But it’s not until a second heartbeat matches Alex’s that Kara snaps her eyes open, realising who Alex is fighting right now and knowing that neither one of them would lose a fight until they had really won. And winning in these situations usually ends up with someone dead. And Alex winning or losing this fight... well both outcomes would leave her devastated, the former especially something Kara knows her sister could never overcome.

And so it’s not only Alex’s heartbeat that makes Kara panic, it’s Maggie’s too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll get the next update up soon, but I'm planning on updating one of my other fics this week too so..keep an eye out if ya want😅


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayyy so another update on this one..I apologize in advance if the technical chatter makes no sense..it's half accurate..sort of 😅 anyways it doesn't really matter! Sanvers are getting more time together from here on out so that's the win..depending on if you like angst or not but hey 🤷♀️😅

“We take it in teams, Alpha move in from the front with me and Beta hold for a three count and then support from the rear.” Alex instructs, motioning the secondary team around the building as her team holds their positon out front in the alleyway. 

She waits until three clicks on the radio sound in her ear to confirm Beta team have reached the back door.

“Okay, move up and plant the charges.” She orders quietly, crouching low as they line up against the heavy steel door. “Everyone get your comms off, we don’t know if anyone in there has the ability to hear us.”

Both teams move up slowly, mostly covered by the darkness offered now that the sun has started to set over the horizon. But still, Alex is careful to steady her breathing as her team stacks up behind her on the front door.

The explosives stuck to the heavy steel should make short work of it, Alex clicking the safety off on her rifle and counting to ten to allow Beta team to get ready on the other side of the building.

And then she presses the detonator, bracing herself as the charge blows the door off it’s hinges, panicked screams, shattering glass and brick doing nothing to distract her as she pushes through the entrance and raises her rifle into her shoulder.

“Everyone on the floor!” She yells, her team filing in and spreading along the wall behind her.

There’s a moment of silence, no one really acting as they’re overcome by shock. But it’s quickly lost as another explosion goes off and Beta team suddenly swarms in from the other side of the room with the same order being shouted.

Alex quickly makes out the thrown together bar scene, taking in the smashed glasses and spilled drinks, the dimly lit pool table that has definitely seen better days as the bar goers slowly start kneeling and lying down on the floor.

But her eyes end up focusing on someone at the bar, long dark hair over a black leather jacket is the back that faces her, the woman clearly not listening to Alex’s instruction as she twists a whiskey filled glass between her tanned fingers.

“Hey!” Alex yells. “Get down, now!” She orders again, pacing forward slightly and stepping around a few aliens on the floor and resisting the urge to apologize when her boot accidentally knocks against the blonde bartenders arm. 

The woman at the bar still doesn’t move, actually seeming calm enough to raise her glass up for a drink.

Alex clenches her jaw, aiming down her sights at the rim of the glass and pulling the trigger sharply. The round fires off loudly, the glass shattering in the woman’s hand and spilling the whiskey across the bar top.

But still, the woman does little but flinch slightly as she still refuses to even face Alex and acknowledge the situation. She just shakes her head, grabbing a napkin to press it to the small cut on her palm that Alex can see dripping red onto the floor.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Alex questions angrily, marching up to her and pushing the barrel of the rifle between the woman’s shoulder blades, the leather creasing beneath the steel.

That at least evokes a reaction, the woman raising her hands slowly. Alex smirks smugly to herself, happy she got her point across.

But Alex is so distracted by the small victory that she doesn’t register as the woman slips off the barstool, her shoulder dropping as she dodges out from the rifle’s line of fire and spins around.

It all happens to fast for Alex to react, the woman pulling the barrel of the rifle forward over her shoulder even as Alex pulls the trigger. The bottles lining the back of the bar shatter as Alex is pulled forward and right into the woman who now swings her arm around Alex’s neck to put her in a hold.

And just like that, Alex is left grasping at the forearm around her throat as a handgun raises to her temple and pushes insistently.

Both DEO teams react then, all pushing forward slightly and aiming their rifles at the woman, who still just stands fairly calmly amongst everything despite the tension Alex can feel in her body as she holds her close like a shield.

“Tell them to back off.” She whispers, Alex inexplicably relaxing at the tone in a way that has her head spinning.

But she manages to raise her hands up to motion her teams to lower their guns a little, their fingers still braced on the triggers as they watch for an opportunity.

“You're gonna let these people leave.” The woman instructs quietly. “Then you and me are gonna go out the back and once I’m safe I'll let you go.” 

Alex scoffs at the proposal, growling as the hold around her neck tightens in response until she nods in acceptance.

“Let them go.” Alex growls out, clenching her jaw as her team steps back a little to let the aliens stand again as the woman behind her nods at the blonde bartender who just glares at Alex as she shuffles to her feet.

But one of the younger members on the Beta team is uneasy, Alex catching the way his hands grip his rifle shakily as a huge alien with spikes adorning his head stands up in front of him.

“Michaelson, relax.” Alex instructs as calmly as possible, the young rookie looking to her worriedly.

His hands steady for a moment but when the alien moves to step past him, Alex can practically see the fearful instinct kick in as the gun raises and fires off a shot.

All chaos erupts as the DEO teams start firing, Alex taking the chance to throw her head back into her captors face, the arm around her neck releasing as the woman swears and stumbles back.

She tries to raise her gun towards Alex, the agent charging forward to slam into her, sending them both into the bar as their guns clatter to the floor.

Alex pulls back enough to throw a punch, the shot landing perfectly on the woman’s jaw and snapping her head to the side. But it does little to stop her, Alex a little shocked as she’s immediately tackled. She tries keeping her balance, but they end up crashing into the pool table and all Alex can grab is a cue.

Shoving the woman back, Alex snaps the stick over her knee and glares at the brunette across from her as she wipes the blood on her face on the sleeve of her jacket. It’s chaos around them, Aliens and DEO agents fighting and throwing half the furniture around. The gunshots are borderline deafening in the tight space, the sound of the fight that has erupted doing nothing to distract Alex from whoever this woman is that seems determined to beat her.

Her irritation only grows when the woman smirks, reaching across the bar top to grab a bottle and smash it on a stool, raising the jagged glass in Alex’s direction in warning.

Spinning the split cue sticks in her hands, Alex takes a chance and lunges forward and swings. But it’s expected and the woman grabs her wrist, swinging her own weapon until the sharp glass slices into Alex’s upper arm.

Alex screams as she kicks out, pushing the other woman back with enough force to send her to the floor. It’s clearly enough to have taken her breath away, Alex snarling as she steps towards her and raises the cue stick again.

She thinks it’s over, that she’ll be able to get some cuffs on this woman and call it a night. But her legs suddenly give out, Alex realizing too late as the woman kicks out and sweeps her.

Crashing to the floor painfully, Alex is quick to try and get back up, spotting the handgun just a few feet away. Her opponent must notice it as well, both of them immediately clambering for the weapon and throwing messy kicks and punches as they scramble across the floor.

Alex manages to land a lucky shot, her elbow hitting the woman in the face and sending her onto her back.

It gives the agent time to get her fingers around the gun, Alex gripping it fiercely as she hauls herself on top of the brunette, straddling her waist as she aims the gun right at her head.

She squeezes the trigger imperceptibly, ready to end this fight.

But her focus switches from the gun sights and finds her opponents eyes, Alex getting lost in the gold flecks she can make out in the deep hazel colour that stares back at her defiantly.

It’s both exhilaratingly new and comfortably familiar in a way that has Alex’s heart stammering for a connection. 

Her hand shakes with the barrier between what her instinct is telling her to do and what she finds herself incapable of going through with.

She can’t pull the trigger. And it makes no sense, Alex struggling to understand what’s happening. 

But she doesn’t get the chance as the ceiling suddenly crashes down, Kara speeding in as a blur of red and blue. She fires her heat vision around the room, the majority of the fight breaking up as the Aliens scatter and the DEO teams take down the few that aren’t fast enough.

Alex is distracted by the entrance, taken by surprise when the woman beneath her throws her bodyweight to the side and tosses her off.

She scrambles to her feet and starts running for the back entrance as Alex swears and rushes to aim the gun again to take her down before she escapes. 

The sights line up perfectly with the back of her opponents leather jacket, the shot easy and impossible to miss. But again no matter how much Alex tries to, her body just won’t react and by the time she’s forced herself to pull the trigger she already knows it will miss.

“Alex don’t!” Kara yells, speeding in front of the bullet nonetheless, stopping it a few feet from the gun as Alex tosses it aside angrily.

“Go after her!” Alex orders, motioning for Kara to follow.

“No.” Her sisters responds, grabbing her arm and pulling her to the destroyed entrance.

“Kara what the h-"

“I need you to trust me okay.” Kara cuts in, half panicked as she paces in the deserted alley.

The DEO teams all shuffle out, Alex pointing them towards the evac vans at the end of the block and making sure they have the few aliens they grabbed are under control.

All the while, Kara clenches her fists and appears to resist the urge to destroy something.

“What’s going on?” Alex questions once they have a little space to themselves.

Kara shakes her head, running a hand through her hair anxiously.

“It’s wrong, it’s all...I don’t know what happened.” She mutters, more to herself than anything.

“What? What’s wrong?” Alex worries, stepping up to her sister to grab her shoulders to keep her from pacing and actually focus on her. “Kara, talk to me.”

The tension in the hero’s eyes is painfully clear, her hands practically tearing Alex’s Kevlar apart where they hold onto it at her waist.

“I... I think you died.” Kara forces out quietly. “I think everyone did.”

Alex can feel her jaw drop a little, the agent trying to figure out if Kara was hurt in the bar, if there’s Kryptonite around. But she can’t see anything.

“Kara I don’t know what you're talking about.” Alex reasons slowly, trying to calm the building panic in her sisters eyes. “I think we should go back to the lab and run some tests an-"

“No I’m not... this isn’t...” She struggles, growing frustrated by her inability to say what she’s clearly thinking. “I think when the anti matter wave hit us the paragons must have been saved, that everyone else was too but not in the same way.”

“The what wave?” Alex questions, completely lost as to what Kara is going on about.

Kara clenches her eyes shut as she yells angrily, the state almost scary to Alex who just tries her best to keep holding Kara steady.

“Hey!” She yells. “Kara I can’t help if you don’t focus!”

Kara clenches her jaw and pulls in deep breaths, her hands shaking slightly against Alex’s vest.

“If an anti matter wave were to travel through multiple universes but the energy somehow missed one, what would happen?” Kara questions slowly, seemingly trying to put something together. “If I remember a different history to the current one, what does that mean?”

Alex stammers, raising her shoulders as she tries to think. Barry Allen is by far the multi verse expert but it’s all just theory. It was proven that Earth Prime is the only existing universe.

“Theoretically, if one universe managed to survive it’s possible the energy of an anti matter wave could force multiple universe to converge on one another in that one universe.” Alex explains, thinking it through. “If one point of that converging energy could be shielded then anything inside would technically be able to avoid the convergence outcome.”

“So anyone inside that point wouldn’t merge with their multiverse doppelgangers.” Kara reasons, nodding to herself with an almost blank expression. “But it wouldn’t be shielded with that theory, there would still be multiple versions of me if it were...” She fades off.

Alex watches worriedly as Kara’s eyes flit back and forth as she thinks, her determination too staunch for Alex to try and interrupt.

“The energy from the wave would have to completely diminished to allow us to get through.” Kara concludes quietly after a moment.

Alex thinks about it, not understanding why Kara has to work through this right now but playing along anyway.

“Well if you aren’t shielded in that instance, then the only place the energy wouldn’t affect you would be right at the divergence point.” Alex offers, trying to think back on years of her mathematics studies. “It would be the point where all the universes merge together into... well whatever that would create.”

“All areas of energy converging on a singular area in space.” Kara adds on, letting Alex’s vest go to run her hands over her face messily before she stops and looks to Alex heavily. “A vanishing point.”

“Theoretically.” Alex reminds her gently.

“Reality.” Kara insists, looking around as if she doesn’t recognize anything.

“Barry proved multiple universes didn’t exist.” Alex urges, trying to get Kara to remember.

“Not on my Earth he didn’t.” Her sister remarks. “He proved the opposite actually.”

“Kar-"

“I asked you to trust me. Do you?” Kara questions, the sincerity on her face almost painful given what she’s asking.

“Always.” Alex assures.

Kara nods, pulling Alex into a tight hug as she lets out a relieved sigh. The agent is just happy that her sister has calmed down, her panicked state not boding well for the DEO training gear. And she knows she’ll just have to let Kara take her time, that she’ll come to her again when she’s ready.

So she smiles gently as they pull apart, Kara returning the gesture as she takes a deep breath and steps back.

“Meet me at my apartment in a few hours.” She says, kicking at her cape to get it out behind her properly so she can lift up to fly.

“Okay.” Alex agrees a little reluctantly.

Kara is happy enough with the agreement though, the hero floating from the ground slowly.

“And Alex?” She asks, seeming to remember something once she’s a few feet up. “Don’t go after Maggie.”

Alex can feel her eyes narrow in confusion, the agent raising her hands as her sister flies off at the random instruction.

“Who the hell is Maggie?” Alex asks herself, trying to recognize the name.

But eventually she has to give up when nothing sparks in her memory, the agent pacing down the dark alley to join the evac teams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex will be getting her memories back soon don't worry 😄  
> Hope everyone is liking it so far 🤗  
> Ps. For anyone who knows my other fic 'show me' then that'll be updating soon as well..cause ya know..quarantine..so 🤷♀️😅


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No excuse for not updating sooner..my bad😬😅  
> Anyways just a short one while I get the story together 🤗

Maggie swears as she slams her hand against the steering wheel, the car practically skidding to a halt as she slams the breaks down.

The cut on her palm still stings despite the bandage wrapped around it from the first aid kit that lies scattered across the passenger seat. It will need stitches she knows, but she can’t risk going to the ER right now given that she would probably be tracked down by the DEO.

It hadn’t been hard putting the pieces together, especially once Supergirl showed up. There have been rumours for months that she’s been working with the organization.

Getting the address for the apartment building she now glares up at as she gets out the car was really the hard part. She had to go through footage of Supergirl’s old fights for a good hour before finding the face she was looking for.

The agent, whoever she is, was almost impossible to track down. But Maggie had managed to use her old Wayne Industries tech to run a facial tracking algorithm. And while the system couldn’t access much information on the woman in question, even her name marked as confidential, it was enough to track her apparent girlfriend Kelly Olsen.

From there it wasn’t hard for Maggie to make some connections, from Kelly’s favourite food joint only a few blocks away and the delivery address the manager said she always had it delivered to. 

So here she is, Maggie fuming as she tucks her spare gun into the waistband of her jeans and makes for the stairway. 

She isn’t exactly sure why she’s determined to be here, a part of her wanting to demand the captured Aliens are released and part of her... just needing to. 

Maggie tells herself it’s because she wants a fair fight, wants to prove that on an even playing field she wouldn’t be taken on so easily. After all, ten years in Gotham with Bruce Wayne creates something of a skill set.

Either way, she’s on edge when she reaches the right floor, half sneaking up to the door at the end of the hall and pressing her ear to the wood to listen. She can’t hear anyone.

She kneels down, pulling her lock picking set from her pocket and working the small tools into the lock. It takes a few minutes but soon she gets each pin into place and the door handle pushes down when she tries it, Maggie peeking inside the apartment.

The lights are all off, the large balcony window the only real source of light as she steps inside and locks the door behind her. 

A strange sense of familiarity settles over her as she walks around a little, Maggie narrowing her eyes a little at the pictures lining a small bookcase near the kitchen.

She ends up picking up one of the smaller frames, recognizing Kelly with her arm around the agent from the bar as they smile, surrounded by a small group of people with various cards and board games scattered on the table in the background.

And her eyes are the same, Maggie clenching her jaw as she notices the slight spark, the intensity still there behind the smile even though Maggie can so clearly remember those eyes staring at her down the sights of her own gun.

But even then, Maggie isn’t scared of that look at all. Strangely something... everything about whoever this woman is, has Maggie running circles in her head. 

It puts Maggie on edge, her hands practically splintering the frame as she puts it back down and shakes her head. She takes to pulling open the drawers in the kitchen, laughing a little when she finds a bottle of her favourite whisky. It’s right next to well worn badge holder, both of which Maggie pulls from the drawer before slipping onto a stool on the other side of the counter top.

“Well, at least you've got taste.” Maggie acknowledges as she pulls the cap from the whisky, flipping the leather badge holder open. “Agent..Danvers.” 

Her fingers trace over the name near the DEO logo, some part of it feeling...expected. 

But again, Maggie is sure it’s nothing, even if the name Alex is on her mind a fraction sooner than she actually sees it on the badge. She hasn’t slept well the last few days, that’s all it is.

So she tosses the badge onto the countertop as she picks up the whiskey, taking a measured drink and pacing over to the living room to sit on the couch. 

It's dark enough in here that Maggie knows she won’t be seen immediately when the front door opens. So she leans back, pulling the gun from her waistband and resting it on her thigh as she has another drink.

All she has to do now is wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More coming soon😄


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been weeks... I have no excuses sorry 😬  
> Anyway I've got a couple updates lined up for this so hopefully it won't take too long 🤗

“Yeah she had dark hair.” Alex mumbles into the phone, trying to balance it as she hits her floor number in the elevator.

“Okay, how’s that?” Winn questions, Alex pulling her phone down to look at the screen as an image pops up from Winn. 

The rendered picture is fairly close to the woman from the bar, Alex still not convinced that the eyes are right, something about them not really up to what Alex can recall. But for all intents and purposes, it’s her.

“That’s good.” Alex confirms, bringing the phone back to her ear as the elevator opens. “Get it out on every system we have, I want to know who she is by the morning.”

“Will do.” Winn says, his tone a little too chipper for Alex as she rolls her eyes and hangs up. She’d spent the last few hours trying to clean up the mess of a scene at the bar, interviewing the few aliens they had managed to apprehend. But tonight has taken a toll and she honestly can’t wait to put it behind her for a few hours before going over to Kara’s.

Reaching her door is a relief, Alex’s body practically keening into the frame as she unlocks it and shuffles inside. It’s dark and she fumbles to kick her boots off and dump her gun onto the entry table, but eventually she manages it and swats at the wall for the light switch.

It takes the briefest of seconds for her eyes to adjust, but its not as fast as she registers the safety switch clicking off a handgun as she immediately turns her attention to the living room with her fists raised.

“This isn’t a fight Agent Danvers, you won’t make it one step before I pull the trigger. And I really don’t want to.” The woman from the bar remarks evenly, seemingly more than comfortable sitting on her couch.

Her face and hair are still messy, Alex noticing the small bits of debris clinging to the dark strands framing her cheeks and the bandage wrapped around her palm.

“How do you know who I am?” She questions, opening her hands and lowering them slowly to make sure the woman knows she isn’t reaching for her gun.

“I didn’t.” She offers. “Tried looking you up but your picture didn't match in the state or federal databases so...” The woman shrugs, motioning the gun slightly at Alex in an instruction for her to move away from the entry table. 

“So how did-"

“I tracked your girlfriend.” The woman cuts in. “Miss Olsen doesn’t exactly cover her tracks as well as you.”

“You leave her out of this.” Alex growls angrily, stepping forward a little instinctively.

“Hey hey.” The woman argues, raising the gun straight at Alex to get her to stop moving. “I'm not the bad guy here, okay?” 

Alex furrows her eyes in confusion as the woman levels her gaze, clearly chewing her cheek in thought before rolling her eyes and leaning forward to drop the gun on the coffee table.

“God, I'm tired.” She breathes out, leaning back into the couch with a groan that inexplicably makes Alex’s stomach flip. “Between the cops and the government and now the DEO, I'm beat.” The woman reasons.

Alex isn’t sure what to do, looking between the woman and the entry table where her gun is, wondering if she could get to it in time. Whoever this woman is, she knows about the DEO and about her. And that’s dangerous for so many reasons.

But something about the way she feels here has Alex curious. The way she sits and how Alex wants to sit beside her to see if she would flinch, how Alex wants to pull the small pieces of debris from her hair because the dark curls are strangely distracting.

“How do you know about the DEO?” She asks slowly instead. “Who are you?”

The woman just laughs, cocking her head to the side slightly in amusement.

“Well you guys are slow huh?” She comments teasingly. “Figured you would have my entire file by now.”

Alex just clenches her jaw angrily, crossing her arms to keep herself from starting a fight right now.

“Are you gonna tell me, or not?” Alex grits out, growing frustrated by the smile that settles on the woman’s face all too naturally.

“You'll figure it out.” She reasons, sighing as she gets up from the couch and paces over to Alex slowly.

They’re both unarmed and given that she almost got beaten back at the bar, Alex isn’t sure if she should try and take this woman down or just stand her ground. But neither thought gains any traction in her mind when the woman walks past her, stopping briefly and leaning in close to Alex.

“That probably needs stitches.” She murmurs, tapping at the cut on Alex’s arm that’s currently wrapped poorly with bandages from the emergency kits in the DEO trucks, one of the rookies not really having done a good job of it.

“What do you say we sit down and have a civilized talk and I'll fix it up?” The woman offers, nodding her head to the scotch on the kitchen bench top.

“And why should I do that?” Alex questions. “When I could take you in right now, pretty sure I’ve got a cell perfect for you.”

The woman scoffs, shaking her head as she shuffles over and sits on a stool to pour herself a drink.

“Are you always so...” She fades off, waving the glass around Alex in thought. “Uptight?” 

Alex immediately feels the need to defend herself, stammering out incomprehensible responses as the woman just chuckles and sips on her drink.

“If it’ll make you feel better, why don’t you get your gun.” She offers. “And after our talk, you can take me in. If you want?” 

Alex looks at her incredulously, glancing at her gun by the door and ultimately deciding she could win a hand to hand fight anyway.

And something about this woman has her intrigued... besides, if she wanted Alex dead she could have just pulled the trigger when she walked through the door.

“I'm gonna grab a first aid kit.” Alex mutters. “Don’t you move.”

The woman raises her hands in mock surrender, Alex ignoring the calm demeanour she holds as she paces to the bathroom and pulls the cabinet open to get the kit out.

By the time she’s brought it over to the kitchen counter top, there’s a drink waiting for her and the woman is contently swinging her leg slightly as she’s too short to touch the floor from up on the stool.

It’s strange to see, Alex struggling not to find the small act endearing as she shakes the thought of it free while the woman sips on her drink.

“So how long have you been an agent?” She questions, watching as Alex opens up the medical supplies to find a surgical needle and thread.

“None of you business.” She mumbles, swearing under her breath as she tries to get the thread through the needle hole.

The woman just sighs, swatting at Alex’s hands almost carelessly and taking the needle and thread from her. She threads it on the first go, her hands so steady Alex is half sure they don’t shake in the slightest as she watches.

“Gonna need your jacket and Kevlar off.” The woman notes, waiting with a patient look on her face as Alex contemplates if she really trusts her enough to actually let her do the stitches.

And even though they were at each others throats less than a few hours ago, Alex feels like this woman isn’t someone she needs to be scared of. And she can’t explain it, but she trusts her instincts.

So she grits her teeth as she pulls her jacket and shirt off, breathing a little easier once she can pull her bullet proof vest loose and feel the air on her skin through her black tank top. 

She slumps into a stool beside the woman, turning to face the living room so she can reach the gash that drips blood down her arm a little as she cleans it up with some antiseptic. It stings and Alex winces at the contact, doing her best not to pull away.

“Sorry.” The woman mumbles, tossing the bloodied swab onto the counter before getting ready to start stitching the cut closed.

Alex doesn’t look, gritting her teeth and clenching her eyes shut as she feels the needle push in and out through her skin. She’s had stitches before so the pain isn’t unexpected, but it still makes her fists clench every time as she counts in her head to keep herself distracted.

“Done.” The woman finally whispers, wiping over the stitches once more to clear away the last of the blood and offering a surgical band aid to Alex before closing up the first aid kit.

The neat row of stitches is practically perfect, Alex noting she couldn’t have really done better herself.

“You a doctor or something?” She questions, reaching for her drink and taking a sip to help calm her nerves.

The woman chuckles, shaking her head. “I just know a few tricks is all.” She reasons. “lets just say my old job needed me to be able to patch a few things up in the field.”

“Military?” Alex urges, sighing when all it earns her is a shake of the woman’s head.

“Why don’t we talk about you?” She questions. “What is someone clearly close to Supergirl doing working for someone like Lex Luthor?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Alex defends outright.

“Course not.” The woman smiles. “It's just an observation. But you should know your boss isn’t who he says he is.”

“And how would you know?” Alex asks bluntly. “I've seen his work, how he helps.”

“Its not always about what you can see.” She reasons. “All I’m saying is that you might want to ask the right questions.”

“Such as?” Alex urges, wanting to get some actual information instead of just veiled remarks.

The woman thinks for a moment, tapping her finger on the rim of her glass before lifting it to her lips to finish the drink.

“Start with Lena Luthor.” She offers, standing and starting to pace over to the living room and pick up her gun to tuck it into her waistband. “That girl may seem like the black sheep of the family, but in a house full of wolves she’s your best bet.”

Alex rushes to move after her, aiming to keep her from leaving. But she doesn’t get the chance to do anything as the door suddenly opens and Kelly is standing there looking between them in surprise.

“Uh..hi?” She offers, looking over the state of the two woman and clearly having a few questions in her head.

Alex doesn’t even know what to say, watching with her stomach in knots as the woman from the bar slowly lets go of the gun in her jeans to offer her hand out to Kelly.

“You must be Kelly.” The woman smiles out. “I'm so sorry to interrupt your night, Agent Danvers was a big help this evening and I just wanted to thank her in person.”

“Oh I see.” Kelly smiles out, shaking the woman’s hand easily. “Do you work together?”

“No.” Alex cuts in, instinctively stepping a little closer in case she needs to get between her girlfriend and the woman.

Again, she’s just met with an easy smile.

“No.” The woman echoes slowly. “I'm so sorry, I'm incredibly rude.” She notes, reaching into her pocket and pulling out an ID case. “Captain Sawyer.” 

Alex all but snatches the ID before Kelly can look at it, reading the credentials intently and practically choking as she does.

“Maggie?” She questions, looking at the name over and over, fitting it to the woman in front of her until it fits perfectly.

This is who Kara was talking about? Why? Who is she?

“Anyway.” Maggie smiles, taking back her badge and shuffling past Alex and Kelly to get to the door. “I should get going, thank you Agent Danvers. I hope we’ll work together again soon.”

Alex can’t summon a response as Maggie opens the door, sauntering out without an issue and letting it close behind her.

“She seems nice.” Kelly offers, smiling before noticing the stitches on Alex’s arm and starting to fuss a little.

“I'm fine.” Alex assures, shaking her thoughts free a little and trying to focus on anything besides the name that’s now rolling around inside her head. 

“You always say that.” Kelly admonishes.

“I usually mean it.” Alex jokes, hoping to put her girlfriend at ease. “Hey, I gotta head over to Kara’s so I’m gonna need a rain check on that pizza.” She reasons, rushing over to her closet to get a quick change of clothes.

“You always rain check the healthy foods.” Kelly scoffs with a smile. “And this one I’m holding you to!”

“Sounds like a deal.” Alex offers back, tugging on a grey sweatshirt and black jeans before pacing over to her girlfriend. “I'll try not to be too late.”

“Say hi to Kara for me.” Kelly smiles, leaning up to kiss her cheek before heading for the bathroom.

Alex waits until she hears the shower running to grab her gun and tuck it into her waistband, tugging on her boots and jacket as she practically storms out of her own apartment.

She knows Kara probably won’t be home considering she’s only meant to be meeting her in a few hours time, but Alex is on edge and she can’t stop hearing Maggie’s...Captain Sawyers voice in her head. She needs somewhere to pace and try figure this out, because the way her heart races at the thought of that smile isn’t something Alex understands. 

Kara said she needed to talk, Alex just hopes she’ll be able to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what ya think or if there's anything that needs fixing 😊


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse I'm sorrryyy😬  
> Bit of Kara just to get a bit of grounding for the next chapters👌   
> If you're a bit of a Supercorp fan alongside Sanvers then this should be a fun fic for you here on out 😄

It’s strange flying above National City, almost foreign. She recognizes the buildings and the winding streets, but Kara can’t fully recognize any of it. And the Luthor Corp brand on the side of what should be Lena’s building has her fists clenching as she circles the top floor.

It takes a few seconds, listening past the breeze for Kara to finally find the heartbeat she’s looking for. 

She hovers slightly above the familiar balcony, grateful for at least this small piece of normal. 

And Lena, sitting on her couch inside with her glasses pressed up onto the bridge of her nose where Kara knows they’ll leave marks, Kara is grateful for that too.

But if what she thinks is right, if all of the universes that she can’t even begin to comprehend have forged themselves into... whatever this place is, if Lena isn't the same...

Kara pushes the thought aside as Lena sighs over a pile of papers, the sound practically urging the hero to tap on the glass softly.

Lena jumps slightly, her heart skipping in Kara’s ears as she looks confusedly at her before shuffling to her feet and raising an eyebrow at the hero through the glass.

Offering a small smile, Kara hopes that enough of the reality she has lived through is still here. She hopes some parts of Lena and some parts of herself are still the same.

Lena seems to take a moment, looking over Kara sceptically before shaking her head and pacing over to the balcony door.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Lena admonishes. “If Lex finds you in his office it’ll be bad, for both of us.”

“Sorry Miss Luthor I shou-"

“Miss Luthor?” Lena cuts in. “Kara what’s with the name dropping, you know I hate that name.” She seethes a little.

“Sorry.” Kara mumbles, her heart leaping at the fact Lena at least knows who she really is. “Did you say Lex’s office?” She questions as Lena tugs her inside.

“Yes.” Lena frowns. “Seriously Kara, I thought we agreed to keep this under wraps until I figured it all out?”

“Right.” Kara sighs, looking around and noticing the slight changes to the room, Lena’s awards still lining the walls with Lex’s name in her place. It puts Kara on edge.

“Sorry I’m uh... hit my head. My memory is a little foggy.”

“What?” Lena questions, worry taking over her face as she closes the small distance between them, her hands reaching for Kara’s face. “Where? Let me see.”

Her hands are cold, Kara knowing logically that it’s just because her own body temperature is naturally warmer, but it still sends a small spark through the nerve endings in her fingers as they reach up to Lena’s forearms.

“It..sorry I didn’t actually...I just...” Kara fumbles, taken back by how easily Lena moves through her space and losing the concentration to try have an excuse to be here without really knowing anything about this place.

Lena clenches her jaw, searching Kara’s face before her hands drop, one finding her forehead and the other resting against her hip.

“You can’t keep doing this.” Lena murmurs, shaking her head and turning her back. “I can’t do what I need to do and be worried that you're going to slip up. If Lex finds out that I’m investigating his registry project, it’s over.”

“Registry project?” Kara asks, regretting the question as a look of confusion takes over Lena’s face. She’s apparently already supposed to know what that is.

And Lena is too smart not to notice, too perceptive for Kara to get away with the mistake.

“What’s going on?” Lena urges, arms folding tensely.

Kara sighs, pacing a little as she debates what she should say. She knows Lena is her best chance to figure this all out, especially if Lex is involved. But she feels half crazy, like she’s completely out of place in a life she’s supposed to have lived. And in a strange way, that’s exactly what’s happening.

“I need your help.” Kara reasons, knowing there’s no point in lying.

“With what?” Lena pushes. “What could be so important that we risk my brother knowing the truth.”

Kara tries not to get distracted by Lena’s words, she knows she still has to try and find Jonn and get everyone to a safe place to figure this all out. But something about the way Lena looks at her has Kara asking before she can stop herself.

“The truth about what?” She all but whispers, knowing by the way that Lena’s fingers clench a little that she’s frustrated.

“What do you mean ‘the truth about what'?” Lena questions, blatantly raising an eyebrow. “You, me, trying to take Luthor Corp away from him before it’s too late.”

“Right.” Kara feigns to remember, running a hand through her hair as she shuffles back over to the balcony. “Look, I have to go. But I need to see you, tonight. It has something to do with this, I think. Please?”

Lena shakes her head, clearly annoyed as she opens the door for Kara nonetheless.

“I'll come over in a couple hours.” She assures, Kara nodding as she steps outside.

She’s barely hovering off the balcony when Lena suddenly grabs her hand, anchoring her for a moment.

“Please stay safe.” Lena murmurs, tracing a calming pattern on the back of Kara’s palm briefly before letting her go and pacing almost determinedly back into the office.

And it takes Kara a few moments to realise that she can lift up higher now, that the feeling of Lena’s hand in her own has started to fade a little and isn’t automatically keeping her feet on the ground.

So she does, knowing she has to find Jonn so that they can start piecing this whole thing together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try update again soon... try.. 🤦♀️😅


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know it's been over a month since I last updated...and yes I need to get my sh*t together... however in my defence there has been a bit of a writing block so go easy on me😣😅  
> In any case the ball gets rolling on this one and the next few chapters, so bear with me and hopefully it isn't too confusing 👌😄

Alex groans as she slumps into Kara’s couch, half tempted to sleep here for a while until her sister gets home. But the task proves impossible as Maggie keeps flashing in the back of her mind. Her voice makes Alex feel like she’s living in a memory, like remembering a random day from her childhood.

And Alex is scared to admit she doesn’t understand it. Even more so with the fact that she just can’t stop thinking about her, but not in the way she knows she should.

It’s her eyes and her hair, how warm her hands felt on Alex’s arm, or the way she isn’t even the least bit challenged by who Alex is, what she does. It’s unnervingly exciting and Alex won’t dare admit it to herself even as she thinks about it all in silence in the middle of Kara’s apartment.

And then there is the fact that her sister apparently knows the Captain. How, Alex can’t figure out. And with the mention of the Luther’s bearing down in the back of her mind, Alex can’t help but feel like she’s missing something.

“Alex?” A deep voice suddenly interrupts, Jonn tapping on the window and motioning for her to open the balcony door.

“Hey, you too?” She asks, shuffling over and unlocking the creaky thing and stepping aside to let Jonn through.

“What?” He questions, looking around the apartment and frowning at all the DEO equipment, as if he didn’t install it himself. “I'm just looking for-"

“I'm here.” Kara suddenly cuts in, rushing through her front door and kicking it closed a little forcefully in her attempt to hustle inside.

“Sorry I had to get Lena and then you weren’t home, but I heard you flying so..” She stammers out at Jonn, shrugging as she seems to get her bearings.

“Do you remember?” Jonn asks, clearly looking relieved when Kara nods determinedly and reaches for an apple to chew on as Alex just stands between them waiting.

They both seem lost in their heads and jump a little when Alex clears her throat to get their attention.

“Remember what?” She questions, a little irritated by the silent discussion Jonn and Kara subsequently attempt with their eyes.

She’s about to lose it at them when there’s a knock at the door that immediately has the three of them tensing.

“Lena.” Kara assures, motioning for them to relax as she speeds over to let the Head of the Luther Corp Science division inside.

“Kara, what’s going on? Why are you-" Lena cuts herself off, hands falling from where they reached to hold Kara to rest at her sides as she spots Jonn and Alex. “What are they doing here.”

“I can explain.” Kara reasons, guiding Lena over to the couch and motioning for Alex to sit beside her.

Alex shifts uncomfortably. Working for Lex, he had always warned her that he feared Lena wanted to take over Luther Corp and would do anything to be rid of him. Kara of course has always disagreed and so Alex has spent a long time making sure the Luther siblings are always minding their own business, whether it be distracting Lex with a possible business venture in the weapons industry or giving Lena access to a few aliens that they’ve been able to study. But she’s never been in this sort of setting with one of them before. And she can tell Lena is thinking the same thing as Jonn and Kara whisper to each other before turning to them.

“Do you wanna tell them or?” Kara mumbles, looking to Jonn once more.

“No no, you go ahead.” He assures, Kara almost sulking a little.

The hero paces a little, both Alex and Lena following the small movement patiently as they both sit upright on the couch. But eventually Lena breaks the silence.

“I have to leave soon or Lex could...” She starts, side eying Alex and stopping herself from saying anything else.

“Lex could what?” Alex pushes. “I swear Lena if this is another scheme-"

“Scheme?!” Lena questions angrily. “Oh of course the soldier collecting a pay check believes that whoever is signing the bills is the good guy in everything!” She accuses.

“Instead of a dictator who only wants the power for herself?!” Alex argues bluntly.

“Spent too long in the shadow of your brothers success have you?!”

“You tell me!” Lena yells back. “Enjoy always being the lesser sister?”

Alex finds herself on her feet then, fists clenched as Kara steps between her and Lena with a firm hand to her shoulder.

“Enough!” The hero yells. “Both of you, sit down!”

Slumping back into the couch, Alex curses the small space between her and Lena, knowing it’s still too big for her to get across before Kara could stop her.

And her sister seems agitated, more so than by just this fight. Her hand runs through her hair and Jonn watches her worriedly until she throws her hands up a little exasperatedly.

“We all died!” She bursts out. “Well you did... Jonn and I, the other Paragons maybe not but.. anyway it’s not the point.” Kara rambles. “This Earth, I think all of the multiverses have melded together and our realities along with them. Our history, it isn’t the same. This world isn’t the same.”

Alex knows the look on her face must match Lena’s, a mixture of disbelief and worry. But it turns to confusion when Jonn steps in as well.

“From what I can work out, Lex may be behind the creation of this Earth, shaping it into what it is in the very least.” He explains. “But we still can’t trust that his intentions are any different than what they were.”

“Hold on." Alex urges, standing from the couch just to pace and shake her head. “This is my boss we’re talking about, he’s a good g-"

“He isn’t!” Lena yells, slumping back into the cushions with her hands raised in frustration.

“Take it from me, he knows his way around the law and how to talk his way out of everything... but he is not the good guy.” 

Alex can feel her jaw clenching, knuckles white as she stares down the youngest Luthor.

“Lena’s right.” Kara murmurs, reaching for Alex’s arm in an attempt to calm her down. “I need you to trust me.”

“I do trust you!” Alex exclaims. “But this is crazy! First the bar and that woman, Maggie? How do you even know her and-"

“Maggie?” Lena cuts in, levelling her gaze at the hero. “Kara you told her about Captain Sawyer?! You know how hard it’s been keeping our work together under the radar!”

“So even she knows who Maggie is?!” Alex admonishes.

“So do you, it’s just...” Kara forces out, clearly frustrated. “I'm trying to explain but I don’t know how and-" 

“I can show them.” Jonn cuts in, Kara turning to him with her mouth wide.

“Are you serious?!” The hero questions, Alex frowning at the borderline excitement taking over her sister’s face. “Oh my Rao I had no idea how I was gonna explain all this but you can just go in there and..” she waves her finger around in front of Alex’s forehead, the agent grabbing her finger and swatting it away.

“You want Jonn to get into my head?” She asks in disbelief. “You don’t trust that I won’t get whatever you have to say?”

“No it’s not that.” Kara shakes her head. “But there’s a whole other life that you don’t know you’ve lived and..I can’t tell you everything. But Jonn might be able to find the piece of you that is from the same place as me, pull it to the surface.”

“Again with this multiverse thing?!” Alex pushes back. “You’re honestly telling me that I’m not who I think I am?”

“Alex it’s not that simple.” Jonn tries, raising his hands calmly. “You know I wouldn’t suggest this if I didn’t think it was the right thing to do.” He reasons.

Alex stares him down sceptically, half thinking this is crazy and that she should have Kara and Jonn submitted for testing and half terrified that what they could be saying is true. Either way, she doesn’t get to figure it out before Lena is standing and pacing in Kara’s living room with a hand locked in her hair. 

“You think the multiverse theory is true, that Lex has bound it all into..this?” The young Luther questions.

“Yeah.” Kara shrugs, seemingly as surprised by Lena’s calm demeanour as Alex is.

“So then you... you don’t know who you are?” She asks slowly. “In this life.”

Kara clearly takes a moment to think, her eyes scrunching with the effort a little.

“Vaguely..I don’t really. It feels like a a memory I can't exactly place agter so long.” She offers, picking at her suit nervously as Lena just laughs under her breath and nods to herself.

“So me.. you don’t...we weren’t..wherever you came from..” Lena stammers out, slumping back onto the couch with her head in our hands.

“Weren’t what?” Alex questions, looking between the way Lena appears to be breaking down on her sisters couch to the slight panic overtaking Kara’s face at the sight. “Lena?!”

“It doesn’t matter.” The young Luthor stammers out, shaking her head. “But you can bring our memories back?” She questions, looking to Jonn.

“I can try.” He reasons, looking between Kara and Lena as they avoid looking at each other. “Your other selves' memories should still be buried in your subconscious somewhere.”

Alex just sighs, running a hand through her hair. She knows this is half crazy, but what part of her life isn’t? And she promised to trust Kara on this. So really what choice does she have? And honestly, seeing as the only thought she can focus on right now is that maybe she’ll get answers about Maggie, Alex isn’t up to trying to argue another way.

“Okay.” She relents. “Lets get this over with then.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise on my favourite star wars coffee mug that I will try and update in the next couple weeks 🙌😅  
> Also for those into it, did y'all see the Lexa content?!😲😅😅


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays 😄  
> Posting in a moment of free time so I'll keep it short, hope everyone is staying safe and making the most of this time of year even with it being 2020 😒
> 
> Quick recap seeing as I suck at updating: Post crisis event, Lex is in charge of L-Corp and almost everyone has no memory of their life before crisis. Kara and Jonn have figured this out and are trying to get the right peoples memories back... and so on the story goes 😅

Kara paces adamantly, half stopping herself from hovering from the nerves and half focusing intently as Lena leans back into the couch and Jonn shuffles up behind her.

“Try not to mess anything up in there, it’s worth a lot of money.” Lena jokes half-heartedly, glancing nervously between Jonn and Kara as she taps at her head.

“Not covered by Luthor-Corp insurance?” Alex quips, rolling her eyes as Kara shoots her a glare.

Jonn shakes his head, pulling in a breath as he rests his hands against Lena’s temples.

“I’ve taken memories away before, how hard can this be?” He reasons, clearly deciding not to notice the slight panic on Lena’s face as he closes his eyes to concentrate.

There’s a moment of silence where Kara can only look to Alex, her sister’s calm expression forcing a faux sense of the emotion into Kara’s chest.

But when Lena’s eye’s drift closed and her head drops forward, Kara rushes forward as Alex eyes Jonn questioningly.

“Is she okay?” Alex questions, trying to shuffle Kara out of the way as the hero holds Lena’s jaw between her hands. “Move Kar, I can’t check her pulse.”

“Her vitals are steady.” Kara reasons, hearing it all as she holds Lena’s face gently.

“Let me know if her heartrate increases, I have no idea what can happen with this.” Alex mumbles, clearly not enjoying the fact that she’ll be next.

But it’s not something they have time to consider, Jonn snapping his eyes open and stepping back as Lena pulls in a harsh breath. Her hands grasping at Kara’s wrists as she bolts upright.

“Hey, relax it’s okay.” Kara urges. “You're okay.” She assures, trying to calm the haphazard breathing and confusion on Lena’s face.

“It can’t be real.” Lena chokes out. “It can’t...Kara.” She buries her head in her hands, Kara clenching her jaw as she looks to Jonn.

He just nods in response, glancing at Alex who suddenly seems more on edge.

And Kara knows that Alex is so used to being in control, body and mind, so this isn’t something she’ll be entirely comfortable with.

“I'm here.” Kara murmurs, resting one hand on Lena’s back as she breathes into her hands and reaching across to place another on the back of Alex’s palm and squeezing gently.

“I know.” Alex nods, leaning back for Jonn. “You better be right.”

“She is.” Lena mumbles, wiping at her face messily and ignoring Kara when she tries to catch her gaze.

“I've got you.” Jonn assures, urging Alex back and placing his hands against her temples.

Kara offers as reassuring a look as she can, Alex pulling in a slow breath before letting her eyes drift shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres a few more chapters coming on this before its wrapped up 👌  
> Not sure what sort of independent stuff I wanna do after this so..🤷♀️we'll see sometime next year 😅

**Author's Note:**

> Update coming soon...😁


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